Fillet Tower Complicity
There is a moment, part-way through the session, when he pauses to tell us about his thing for the KFC Fillet Tower.
He’s a vegan, he tells us.
He’s a vegan at home, he tells us.
But — and he’s making us complicit in this, the bugger — we all have our weaknesses.
He tells us this. He does.
Somewhere between slides 38 and 39 of his 94 slide (I counted them) training session,
He tells us that he has his weaknesses. And so do we.
And then he full-on Homer Simpson salivates at the thought of the KFC Fillet Tower.
Hash brown, cheese, ketchup.
Crunchy, filling, and delicious.
And they do this, teachers.
They do this complicity thing.
Identifying a weakness of theirs — they do, really, watch for it –
And sharing it with the class to — what?
To tell us that they are human?
To make us look kindly on them?
To excuse the bigger mistakes in their teaching that they won’t own up to?
That they can’t own up to.
Like — just to take a few particularly ripe examples from the morning –
That reference to the Act of 2010 that ought to have been the Act of 2018,
Or that spelling of definite still up there on the flipchart, like he has no shame,
Or that misunderstanding of practically everything to do with therapeutic techniques,
Which is — we ought to remind ourselves — why we are here,
Even though we’re now thinking of sodding chicken fillets.
And lies.
And liars.
And his poor wife at home, believing he’s Vegan while he’s out having a sly second dinner every night.
Only when he’s tired, he tells us.
Only when he’s stressed, he tells us.
As if, now he’s told this not so easily verifiable truth
(Do we scan his shirt front for the ketchup stains or something?)
Everything he tells us must be the truth.
There’s some trick to get the bullshit past us and no mistake.
And it would work, too.
If only he’d checked his class list for former teachers.
If only I hadn’t tried it enough times myself.
Although he’s right about the crunchy, filling, and delicious thing.
After 94 slides, it’s about the only takeaway worth taking away from today’s lesson.
