NUMBER TWO TOO MUCH
John Crapped At Home
And paid a steep price for his indiscretion
“ I had to go-I had to go-I had to go!” Defendant John Franklin was spewing.
“Order in the court or the Defendant will be removed!” declared Committee Chair Ted Wright-Electrician Union President of TGWA 214.
Like a crazed monkey, John continued until Chairman Wright shot back-” Stop your shit, literally and figuratively!”
“I will clench Mr. Chairman,” promised John.
“Very good-We call this special meeting of Associated Home Construction, Repair and Maintenance unions to try the one, John Franklin of Des Moines, Iowa, today on April 4, 2022. Let the record state that Mr. Franklin is being charged with failure to relieve his bowels at the said home of Betty and Bob Steinwhite on February 7, 2022. Mr. Franklin do you understand these charges?” asked Chairman Wright for the record.
“Yes sir” replied a flushed-faced John Franklin.
“Very good, then we shall proceed.” a now sterner Ted Wright nearly shouted.
“Did you or did you not defecate at the Steinwhite’s residence, where you were employed as a carpenter, on February 7, 2022?” asked a now indignant Ted Wright.
“I did not,” replied John Franklin.
“And, may I ask why you chose to disobey this number one, some would say cardinal rule, and not crap at the homeowner’s home where you were working that day?’ asked a furious Ted Wright.
“On that morning I awakened a few minutes early, had my regular bowl of Grape Nuts and Quaker Oat Squares with a cup of Joe. My wife grabbed her car keys and announced she’d be leaving for work early. She then left the house. I suddenly realized I had enough time to use my toilet. Since I had a few extra minutes I guess I just thought why not. Who’d know?” said a sheepish John Franklin.
“So you are not denying that you did a number two in your bathroom. You’re practically flaunting the fact that you didn’t wait to shit at the client’s home. Is that your testimony?” the now apoplectic Ted Wright asked.
“Yes,” replied John.
Angry murmuring arose from the room full of union members.
At this point what else could John reply? He had no good defense. He slumped dejectedly in his chair.
“Ladies and Gentleman of our proud Association of Unions I rest my case. I move that Mr. Franklin be removed from this Association of Unions effective immediately.”
A unanimous 12-to-0 vote was rendered, finding one John Franklin guilty of defecating at his own home and not in his client’s home. John’s Union card was removed. Effective post-haste he lost his membership in the Association of Unions.
John became a truck driver.
He now craps all he wants to, and wherever he wants to, at home before hitting the highways, at any road stop, diner, or into a little mason jar he’s taken to carrying in his cab.
