SATIRE

My Accent is a Boner Machine

The rest of me is pretty average

Her accent is probably shit. Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

I stepped out of the car under the bright lights of the hotel’s entrance. It was almost 11 PM and after driving for eight hours, I needed to rest, even if that meant stopping in a town named Dickpeel, Virginia.

The doors to the hotel slid open as I trudged towards them. Once inside, I heard voices. Two women stood behind a mahogany reception desk, chatting about bees or cockworms or some shit.

“Hello,” the one with red hair said, noticing me stumble in.

“Hi,” I said forcing a smile. “Do you have any rooms?”

“Yes, we do. Let me see what we’ve got,” she replied.

“Great, thank you,” I said.

The brunette woman piped up, “Are you British?”

I met her widened eyes. “Yes.”

They both gasped. “Say something else,” the brunette said.

Fucks sake.

“Erm, ok. How much is a room?”

“You are British!” The redhead said with way too much enthusiasm.

You know the British are somewhat twatish, right?

I smiled. “I’m afraid so.”