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ENGLISH VINGLISH

Oh, How You Could Murder the English Language!

A brief, never read before, history of India

You might be this person after reading this (Photo by Pixabay)

The original cities of ancient India had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them.

Ancient India was full of myths, which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures.

One myth says that people in olden times worshiped monkeys because they were our incestors.

In mid-evil times India was ruled by the slave dienasty. So named because they all died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi because of its pollution.

They were followed by the Mowglis (Mughals). The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana (state of Haryana).

Then came Shahjahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there. The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started quarreling.

After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising India with a 100-foot clipper.

Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as cricket, tramtarts and steamed railways.

They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry. But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since the British had the Queen on their side.

Eventually, the British came to overrule India because there was too much diversity in our unity. The British overruled India for a long period. They were great expotents and impotents. They started expoting salt from India and impoting cloth.

This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was called the swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their loin cloths in the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.

In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the British were quietly looting our country.

In 1947, India became free, and its people became freely loving. This increased our population.

Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police.

Our constipation (constitution) is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not paid your taxis.

Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be changed. This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not written on paper.

The Indian Parle-mint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher. This is because one Mr. Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself cannot withstand.

So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were afraid of the dark. At midnight, on August 15 1947, there was a tryst in Parle-mint in which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag.

Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque. It can be dangerous because many people died of plaque in Surat.

Scams are all over India. One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their elected leader.

The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland. In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.

Presently India has a coalishun (coalition)government made up of many parties, left, right and center.

India is also trying to become an Asian tiger because its own tigers are being poached.

Another important event this year was the Shark (SAARC) meeting at Malas Dive. At this place, shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population.

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