LAST RITES

I could be watching the game right now. And I don’t even like sports

Freeman Scott

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2 min read

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Apr 19, 2025

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• Would she know if I looked in her purse? Probably.
• Shit. I forgot to put the laundry in the dryer again.
• Is that burrito on my shoe?
• Don’t ask for another size. Don’t ask for another size. Please don’t ask for another size.
• I wonder who prints the labels for these water bottles.
• That guy’s shopping alone. I bet he’s a store detective. How about her? Maybe.
• Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
• What if it looks bad on her? Should I lie? No, she’ll know for sure. Just smile and nod and keep repeating the word ‘cute.’
• I could go for a burrito right about now.
• What if I died here?
• Here comes another dude holding a purse. Whatever you do, don’t make eye contact.
• The name is Bond. James Bond.
• You never see furniture like this anywhere else. There must be some special place that sells furniture for department stores.
• Is that woman shoplifting? Holy shit, she is. Hey! That woman’s shoplifting! Wait. No, she isn’t.
• Just a small-town girl, livin’ in a lonely world, she took the midnight train going anywhere…
• I bet they’d make a killing if they opened a taco truck in here.
• Please, God, don’t let me die here.
• Fuuuuuuuuuuck.