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#LABORPAINSBUTMAKEITABOUTME
Surviving Childbirth While Mom Steals All the Attention
Oh, you’re in labor? That’s cute. I’ve been holding in a sneeze for hours.
Dear Hospital Staff,
These past nine months have been an absolute grind for me as I’ve had to support Christine through a very difficult pregnancy. I’ve done all the grocery shopping, cleaning, and chauffeuring, leaving my back an absolute wreck.
Look, I know Christine is going to try milking this whole “I have a baby growing inside me” thing for all the attention and coddling she can get. As if giving up wine and sushi is anything compared to what I’ve gone through!
I’m really behind on sleep from Christine’s incessant moaning, so please be quiet when tending to her. Upon arrival, I’ll need access to an aromatherapy diffuser, a heat pack, and massage oil. I prefer hand-extracted lavender. Christine claims she’ll need that stuff too, but I’m done pampering her. My feet are killing me, but that prima donna stopped giving me foot massages once her third trimester began!
When active labor begins, I’d like to experiment with switching between a birthing ball and a beanbag chair until I figure out which better helps immerse me into Grand Theft Auto. Please…
