PET POOL PEEVES

Swimmers I’d Like to Drown

Lane Hoggers! Iron Butterflies! Pool Pishers!

The last thing you want to see when you’re enjoying a relaxing swim in the slow lane is this putz coming at you. (Photo by 𝙂𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙂𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙤𝙨 on Unsplash)

I swim every day. It’s usually a joy, but some of my fellow swimmers can make it a challenge. Here, from a lifetime of swimming in pools, is a list of swimmers I wouldn’t hurry to save if they went under:

Iron Butterflies

People — usually men — who rocket across the pool, doing the butterfly stroke, which everybody knows is the rudest, most selfish way to swim. They don’t share the lane. They don’t pay attention to anyone but themselves. They just plough through the water, splashing the hell out of the rest of us. Their vibe? “I’m big! I’m powerful! Get the hell out of my way!”

Pool Pishers

We’re all seen this sign, right?

You can buy this sign on Amazon! (Screen shot from Amazon ad.) (NOT an affiliate link.)

The reasons why you shouldn’t pee where you swim should be obvious. And yet? There are swimmers who are too lazy to get out of the pool and use the bathroom.

Anyone who pees in a swimming pool ought to be drowned.