Doctor Funny
Published in

Doctor Funny

WITH THANKS TO Michael Burg, MD (AKA Medium Michael Burg) FOR THE IDEA

That’s a Lot of Bull!

Sexism in the English language

Image by Jose Augusto Camargo from Pixabay

The other day, I received an email notifying me of a story written by Michael Burg. I like to read what Michael has to say, and because my reading list for the day was full, I hurried through his article, and commented, which is my norm.

It was only after I commented, that I realised Michael’s story had originally been published in June 2020. Oh, so it was old stuff! Had I made a complete dweeb of myself by commenting positively on something that had been buried, then somehow made a mysterious reappearance?

It’s easy to make me feel foolish because I’ve only been here eight months. Does Michael now think I am desperate to ingratiate myself? That I have delved deep into his endless archives of diatribe, just to find something readable? I felt a little silly.

Michael’s, “Words with No Real Opposites”, was funny, and triggered a memory or two of my own where I had questioned the reasons for some of the inequities in our language. I pointed out to Michael that I thought sexism was rampant through words in the English dictionary, and he replied, “Oh, wow! Amazing, Raine! You can be so astute and on point! Would you consider writing a story on this subject matter?”

Actually, his reply was more, “Ho-hum, yeah — story idea? Off you go now, you silly old thing.”

Well, at least he didn’t ridicule me for digging up and wiping the mildew off his moldy oldie.

So, here’s where I am with this whole sexism in our language issue, and I double-dare anyone to disagree with me.

My first argument starts right where it should, with the words, male and female. Sexism in bucket loads! Men get a noun all of their own, but us second-class, other halves, have to have a bit of boy in our name. Female! Why the hell can’t we just be fe’s?

Then there are the nouns, man and woman. Not content with sticking man into our gender name, they also have to make a statement with the wom(b) bit. I guess they couldn’t have us being celebrated as the mothers of society. No! They had to suggest that we were sort of men but we got the baby bits which probably made us weaker. “There you go, little woman, sit in the corner and prepare your womb for the reception of all that man has to offer!”

So, let’s take this a little further — if wo’s have wombs attached to their name, why can’t men have their noun extended to, for instance, peniman, jockman, dickman, ballsman, or even testosteroneman. Hey, what about trousersnakeman?

News bulletin:

“A group of trousersnakemen attended yesterday’s very informative reptile seminar at Woopydoo Park. A few people made tits of themselves which resulted in an arrest.” (Men don’t seem to have tits. They have chests, man boobs or even breasts. Try working those words into an insult — this adds more substance to my rant)!

I tried to substantiate my wom(b)an theory, but all Google has to say on the matter is that my presupposition is rubbish. Of course, Google would say that — it’s probably run by men.

So, while there are no studies to support my theories, we are told that we can blame the whole man/woman noun thing, on old English origins.

There are an awful lot of old fe’s who blame everything on old English roots, too, but that’s another story!

Here’s where my rant gets serious. Why do you suppose men have to get their grubby fingers on our word, menses? We can’t even bleed without blokes having something to say about it!

The words should be feses (as opposed to faeces which, in fact, it is — opposed to — biologically speaking). This makes a whole lot more sense. Picture, if you will, an illustration of the fe anatomy with two little arrows pointing: “Hole for feses: Hole for faeces”. Perfect!

Of course, we can’t leave this discussion without pointing out that menstruation should well be changed to wostruation, and menopause ought to be, wo-opause. I hyphenate to make pronunciation easier.

The sexism to which I allude does not start and stop with the human species. I list a few below:

Ram/Ewe — We have words like rambunctious which means, boisterous, but there is no ewebunctious for girlsterous!

Dog/Bitch — Bitches can be dogs, but dogs can’t be bitches. Figures!

Bull/Cow — There are many mean and stupid words with a cow prefix. Cow on its own can be a derogatory word for a fe. Have you ever heard, “Oh, that wo is so sweet. What a cow!” Never! And then there is the ridiculous word, cowabunga, meaning the expression of amazement or joy.

This could be a rare example of where the tables are turned, especially when you consider the male version, bullabunga, which sounds like an Aussie place name at best or, at worst, a scientific name for a pile of bullshit. I probably could have left this one out as it doesn’t seem to support my argument!

I will leave this now — the more I examine our language, the more disappointed I am becoming. It’s a dog that something can’t be done about it!

Come on all you fes, we must wodate (mandate) change and awode (amend) the current situation!

Wo’s of the world unite — it’s time for ewocipation!



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store