Doctor Funny
Published in

Doctor Funny


That’s Moist

I stuck all of the words on your screen with spit

Bloody handprints on a water-covered shower screen.
Bloody handprints on a wet shower screen — how much moister do you want? Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

I am trying to please two distinct factions of readers with this piece. For all the twelve-word aficionados, I have bolded the references.

For all the morons who might miss the “wet” words, I have italicized them.

Breaking News! CNN headlines:

“Celebrated rapper, Aqua Duct, was found dead in her shower cubicle this morning. A victim of a vicious stabbing, the woman had just snorted two hefty servings of cocaine when she was molested by an angry neighbour who heard her singing a love ballad by Wet Wet Wet.”

“It’s diabolical!” protested the fat cat from the next apartment as he was arrested by police. I only moved to this moldy apartment so I could listen to Aqua in the shower and then she turns all sloppy and sentimental. It annoys me so much, I could turn to drink!

When interviewed by our reporter, Dripper Fawcyt, who incidentally, often falls asleep during broadcasts, Aqua’s manager, Rapid Rivers blubbered:

“It really bothers me that such a talented artist could switch musical genres so easily. Her neighbour dude was sorta justified, you know. I hear they might take him to Guantanamo Bay and waterboard him — seems a bit harsh to subject the drip to torture. I mean, it’s not as if he tossed Aqua into a dumpster or anything. He had the decency to leave her right where he’d off’d her, under a steamy shower.”

Dripper woke up and reported that investigators found Aqua’s sodden CD player in back of the hot water cylinder. The Wet Wet Wet disc was thrown into the dunny.

I hope you have enjoyed this bloody escapade. (I didn’t italicize “bloody” because I wasn’t describing bodily fluids — I was swearing)!

Hah, do you think I am moist behind the ears?

Oops, gotta go, all this talk of liquids had made me need to piddle!



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Raine Lore

Raine Lore


Independent author on Amazon, reader, graphic artist and photographer. Dabbling in illustration and animation.