PEPPERONI?
The Five Types of People You Meet at an Office Pizza Party
It’s extra cheesy
Everything bad happens in an office…
Getting ready for some cheesy satisfaction straight from corporate?
Here’s who you need to look out for.
The Managers — Behold, the office monarchs, perched on their thrones, pretending to enjoy pizza like it’s a prized porterhouse steak. You can spot them in the back, shoes up on the table, picking the pepperoni out of their teeth with rolled-up 20-dollar bills. These toothpicks are cheaper than the overtime they should have been paying you. Walk by this table, and you’ll be bombarded with the A’s. “Action items, Agile thinking, and agendas, oh my!” You’ll hear so many A’s that you’ll find yourself setting an appointment to get your ass offsite, away from the managerial madness.
The Slice Hoarder — They’re cheap with an extra; I’ll take home the leftovers. These coworkers throw caution to the wind and break the unspoken 2-slice rule with a triumphant, 4-slice “fuck you.” During the polite battle of “Oh, you can have the last slice; I’m stuffed!” these devil-may-care mavens squash the debate and walk out with the whole damn box. To them, the golden crust is more than dough… It’s gold.
