LETTERS FROM A FRIEND
The Jab Mistake
George reports on some “unusual” side effects of the COVID Jab
Bucharest December 3, 2021.
Greetings from your old high school pal, mate! You haven’t heard anything from me for a while, but that was on purpose and, your mistake for still not sharing your e-mail address with me. Come on mate! We’re in the 21st century and the two of us still communicate with carrier pigeons?
I am writing this letter to you from the basement of our house. Unfortunately, that is the place Marcia, my dear wife, relegated your friend. She found out that I did the unthinkable and took the jab. The COVID jab. And I did it twice!
I know you’re laughing your butt off right now thinking how a small woman can defeat a stud like me, it’s true. Believe it or not, Marcia won her third championship last year, sub-classing six favored competitors. She won the “Precision frying pan throwing” competition by hurling four pans towards the helpless target, in just 10 seconds from 10 meters away. I’m still in pain in places where i never thought a frying pan could reach!
Now why would I do such a stupid thing? Take the jab, when our prescriptions during a cold season do not include antibiotics or fever control pills but essential oils, meditation, and prayers to our creator. Well, there were several reasons to do that.
The first reason was that i wanted to screw up with my mobile telecom provider and have free internet and voice calls without paying a dime. In our circle, there are several “specialists” saying that the jab has a chip or a “nano-thing” in it that will receive the 5G signal and do something with it. Well, I did my own research on the process and concluded that, if I get the jab and swallow a sim card, I might be able to start making and receiving calls. Amazing no?
The second reason was to have my revenge on the same operator that banned the “3-second free calls”. I know you remember those funny things where we could call each other and say something for just three seconds and then hang up. We had endless conversations for free, taking ages of course but the bill at the end of the month was still a fat zero. It became a national sport for a while until the carriers learned about it and started taxing these calls too! Bastards! 5G for free would have been a sweet revenge.
Imagine my disappointment when, after the first jab I had nothing,! No signal line, no neuron-wiring, no knee-jerk reactions, and no world-domination thoughts! Just some arm aches and a little dizziness. Panicked, I asked around and searched the anti-VAX groups seeking an answer. Only one guy, in an obscure tweeter post, said that two jabs are required for the 5G to kick in, so I took the second one.
The pain is bigger right now, not because of the jab, but because of the frying pan bruises. Marcia, my dear Marcia who takes care of me, found the queue ticket in my shirt pocket and I had to answer some difficult questions. Thank God Dog is here with me to share the pain and serve as a guinea pig for my wife. She says that we’re not getting out of the basement until dog pisses clear, a sure sign we’re not shedding nanobots and risk infecting her.
When I’m getting out of here, I will write to that guy from Germany, I think Gert is his name. That dude is planning on suing Pfizer for some crimes or something. I’ll hire him using my son’s University savings. I want to get my money back from the two jabs I took. They don’t do what is advertised. No 5G, no Morgellons, no nanobots, just protection from the COVID-19 virus.
I hear Marcia coming with the 12 pm treatment. I will write when I can.
George.
