Maniacal Musical Madness in March

The Real March Madness

This band got banned

This, That & the Other Thing
Doctor Funny

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In a band like this, a band was meant to band the world together. Photo by Adrian Hartanto on Unsplash

D.C. al Coda was a percussionist in his local marching band. His quirk was that he only felt comfortable playing his bass drum while in a moist state. He was also a strong believer in the practice of oligarchies, despite having a clear Italian lineage.

One day, while lathering himself up in moist substances, like cucumber and sunscreen, D.C. had a profound out-of-body experience. His astral-projected self found him face-to-face with none other than his idol, Alexander Smolensky. Smolensky greeted D.C. with a coy look on his face before revealing his true identity to be… Newman from Seinfeld. D.C. was surprised, nay, shocked in horror that his idol turned out to be a fake-out while he was in the midst of this out-of-body experience. Shock turned to joy when it fully sunk into D.C. that Newman, his secondary idol, stood in his intangible presence. Expecting Newman to pull the same stunt, D.C. only heard Newman say “Filibuster,” before slamming back into his body.

D.C. composed himself, stood upright, and strutted out to congregate with the rest of his band members. While he percussed through the streets of TaumatawhakatangihangakoauauoTamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu in New Zealand with his band mates, D.C. was quickly swarmed by hornets, as they are attracted to moisture. D.C. was strangely unfazed by the mob of hornets as if this was something he had experienced before, but these were not regular hornets. These were genetically enhanced hornets, and intelligent ones too. These hornets knew what kind of powers they could imbue their victims with, but in no way, shape, or form did they mess with the colour of green. Obviously they could not infringe on the copyright associated with The Green Hornet, so the powers that D.C. obtained were within reason. Due to his bass drum being on him, while the hornets swarmed and stung him, the hornet nest that D.C. can transform into can keep an infectious beat.

The hornet nest that D.C. transformed into started shaking and pulsing like a set of maracas, hypnotizing the rest of the band. The band was in a trance. Their goal was to band the world together with their march. From New Zealand, the hornet nest-led band assimilated various populations until it reached South Africa. The South African government was well-prepared for the inbound invasion of the hypnotic hornet band. The unmistakable sound of countless vuvuzelas was enough to counteract the rabid effects of the band. D.C. was still in hornet nest form, and while the vuvuzelas were remarkably exceeding expectations, the souped-up percussive hornet nest blew, almost as if it were in slow-motion, into the tuba causing a rift in the space-time continuum. The band that was meant to band the world together was officially banned into the shadow realm, among various other locations in the space-time continuum.

Conveniently, D.C. found himself in the depths of the Hornet Dimension. He struggled to harness his powers on Earth, but his ability to transform between human and hornet nest form was much more fluid. Unfortunately, he was in the form of a hornet nest for so long that his human self looked much more like an anthropomorphic hornet. D.C. felt like he had met the coda of his life. He felt that his musical talents were a waste due to how they got him to where he currently was. He sat idle on an unknown surface in this unfamiliar territory, and he tapped his foot as he pondered his existence. Unbeknownst to him, the hornets in this dimension respond to simple rhythmic patterns, so soon enough D.C. realized that there was a swarm of genetically enhanced hornets stationary, almost waiting for his command. Unsure of even how to proceed, D.C. starts running like he’s Forrest Gump, and to his surprise, the hornets followed, and they opened portals for him to choose to jump through.

Back on Earth, the top news outlets were headlining the hypnosis of the banned band as a terrorist attack and a prelude to a potential larger one as it allegedly confirmed alien conspiracy theory. Suddenly, a portal opened in West Philadelphia (where D.C. was born and raised), and D.C. jumped through only to immediately transform back into a hornet nest, not realizing that the Earth’s environment is not conducive to enable the set of powers that D.C. incurred. D.C. had a plan to rule the world, and it fell flat due to the world restricting his powers beyond his control.

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This, That & the Other Thing
Doctor Funny

I like to write about many things, and express deep and current thoughts. Profile pic is from an AI art generator.