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Trump Flees to Cuba During Hurricane Idalia
Cuban officials capture US fugitive on shipwrecked yacht
August 30, 2023
A recorded conversation was leaked from the Department of Justice today, indicating that Donald J. Trump may have fled to Cuba under the cover of Hurricane Idalia in a desperate attempt to flee US justice.
According to several sources this morning US justice officials received a very unusual call from Cuban law enforcement officials. The officials described capturing a man walking away from the shipwrecked remains of a yacht named “Florida Man” that had apparently capsized under storm conditions from Hurricane Idalia and washed up on Cuban shores.
Cuban officials said they are detaining a man that closely matches the description of former US President Donald Trump, who was recently released from Rice Street Jail in Fulton County under a $200,000 bond for his alleged role in a RICO conspiracy in Fulton County, Georgia.
The transcript of the call reads as follows:
“Hey, we think we got your guy here, but he doesn’t quite match his description from Fulton County. He’s about three inches shorter and forty pounds heavier. Also, he looks pretty bald on top.”
“Wait, what? How did he get there?”
“Apparently he was on a yacht that capsized in yesterday’s storm.”
“Was there anyone with him?”
“We asked him what happened to the captain and crew. He told us he fired them. He said, ‘They did not do a good job, they were terrible at their jobs, just horrible, horrible people. I mean, the ship fell over! I am pretty sure they were all radical left Democrats.’ ”
“So, you are not sure it’s Donald Trump? How can that be? I mean, he is pretty famous.”
“Well, like we said, he doesn’t match the description Fulton County has on file. He is just under six feet tall, and, not to be disrespectful, but if he weighs 215 pounds, then I’m Tinkerbell.”
(Inaudible; men talking in the background.) Then the US official comes back on the line.
“Have him make a mean face and send us the picture.” Another minute of silence where reportedly US officials get a picture of the suspect.
“It looks like him, but we can’t quite tell. Ask him if he thinks he’s the President of the United States.”
…
(inaudible)
“He says he is.”
…
“Yep. That’s our guy.”
…
“Okay, so…you gonna come get him or what?”
(Inaudible. Men speaking in the background.)
“Uh. Well. You know what? We’re gonna have to get back to you on that.”
…
“Wait wait wait! We’ve had this guy for less than 24 hours, and he’s driving us crazy! He won’t shut up, he keeps bitching about the water pressure, and he keeps tearing up his papers and clogging the toilet! And he’s demanding Diet Coke and McDonald’s! Seriously, when are you gonna come get him?”
(crackling sounds)
“I’m sorry, I thi…losing the connect…get back to…later…”
“Hey! Hey! I can tell you’re just crumpling paper! Don’t hang up! Don’t hang up!…Ah, DAMMIT!” (Phone call disconnects)
(This is a developing story. Follow me, CJ Sterling on Doctor Funny and Medium for updates.)
