Maybe Steve is joking. Maybe he knows that it isn’t possible For him to say anything in the comments That will change anyone’s mind (Because, you know, that’s not how belief works, And have you ever tried to win an argument with a stupid person? It’s not happening, is it? I mean, is it?) So, maybe, when he decides that the perfect response To a story about that double murder in the chain hotel by the docks Is to tell readers that he stayed there once, One Christmas, And that he wouldn’t recommend the breakfast, Not at any price, Maybe he’s really having a joke at the expense of The internet illusion that any of these words matter Longer than the time it takes to type them And that the words most likely to be read, Perhaps obsessively, Perhaps while grinding tooth enamel, Are the author’s own As he waits to see who he has riled And discovers, again, that it is precisely no-one.
So, yeah. Maybe Steve’s having a big old laugh at the expense Of internet commentators everywhere. Maybe it’s a satire on wasted words, On our inability to keep any thought to ourselves. Short of having the Wi-Fi disconnected; short of the screen spitting glass in our face when we press submit. And maybe he didn’t really mean that thing, When he popped up after the Brexit vote, To say he’d never liked Angela Merkel’s hairdo anyway.
Mike Hickman (@sirhenryatrawlinsonend@me.dm) is from York, England. Words in Red Fez, Little Old Lady Comedy, Doctor Funny, The Haven, Sledgehammer & many more