Trust Steve From Nuneaton To Say It All

Mike Hickman

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Published in

Doctor Funny

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2 min read

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Dec 16, 2021

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Maybe Steve is joking.
Maybe he knows that it isn’t possible
For him to say anything in the comments
That will change anyone’s mind
(Because, you know, that’s not how belief works,
And have you ever tried to win an argument with a stupid person?
It’s not happening, is it? I mean, is it?)
So, maybe, when he decides that the perfect response
To a story about that double murder in the chain hotel by the docks
Is to tell readers that he stayed there once,
One Christmas,
And that he wouldn’t recommend the breakfast,
Not at any price,
Maybe he’s really having a joke at the expense of
The internet illusion that any of these words matter
Longer than the time it takes to type them
And that the words most likely to be read,
Perhaps obsessively,
Perhaps while grinding tooth enamel,
Are the author’s own
As he waits to see who he has riled
And discovers, again, that it is precisely no-one.

So, yeah. Maybe Steve’s having a big old laugh at the expense
Of internet commentators everywhere.
Maybe it’s a satire on wasted words,
On our inability to keep any thought to ourselves.
Short of having the Wi-Fi disconnected; short of the screen spitting glass in our face when we press submit.
And maybe he didn’t really mean that thing,
When he popped up after the Brexit vote,
To say he’d never liked Angela Merkel’s hairdo anyway.