NOT WEIRD
We All Know That JD Vance Did NOT! Have Sex With a Couch
New Medium category … spaf pick
💺 When JD says “there’s more cushion for the pushin’” take him at his word.
💺 When he shops for a love seat don’t get in his way, that’s couch blocking.
💺 When he says “I came across this one at a yard sale” believe him.
💺 If you ask him “how’s it coming along?” he always replies “sofa, so good.”
💺 In a hot mic moment he claimed that “And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the cushion.”
💺 Rumor has it that JD is known among friends as a couch eggplant 🍆 rather than a couch potato.
💺 He’s given a whole new meaning to the phrase “does this couch model come with a holder for my remote?”
💺 Safe sofas come with plastic slip covers but it’s just not the same thing.
💺 JD considers a matching sofa and love seat to be same-sex marriage.
💺 He’s been permanently banned from IKEA.
Like I said at the top of the piece … not weird stuff.
And a bonus or two …
💺 When blindly searching between the couch cushions for coins he can tell if a penny is heads or tails.
💺 No one wants to open the sofa bed at his house.
