FITNESS FIASCO
We Excel At Customer Service — So What If We Delivered What You Did Not Need
We did you a favour, really
We could apologize for our recent delivery fiasco, but we won’t.
We did you a favour really. It’s not everyday you receive something worth ten times what you ordered.
If anyone lost money, it’s us.
So what if the item takes up half of your living room? You can hardly blame us for your inability to accommodate our product.
It’s an expensive chest of drawers, made from clear-grade Ponderosa pine wood, polished to an exquisite shine. We understand it’s not the eight-kilogram pink kettlebell you initially ordered, but bear with us.
This too can be used for exercise. Just look at those side panels, each weighing at least nine kilogram. That’s heavier than you bargained for — all for £19.00, which is the price of the equipment you ordered.
Also, it’s a fraction of what this exquisite piece of furniture is worth.
What’s that if not a good deal?
You see, we’re prepared to lose money to keep our customers happy. To keep you happy. This is because we’re exceptional at customer service. Oh, are you saying we’re not? In fact, we can’t hear you cheer.
That’s cause you don’t have business acumen. If you did, you’d have kept quiet and sold the damn thing on a marketplace.
For ten times the price you paid for your pink kettlebell.
But to show our gratitude in the hope that you’ll buy again, we’re willing to collect the highboy.
Oops. Did we just say highboy? That sounds so sexy. Oh yes, baby, we’ll sort that charmer right out for you.
All you have to do is send us five pictures of the item, taken in full daylight, from a 45-degree angle, with your camera positioned at the right distance — not too far or too close. And we do not require a background blur — your picture will not be entered into an art competition. And we will not — let us repeat that — WILL NOT offer 15% off your next purchase for the best photo of the year.
Only after confirming our lack of understanding between a chest of drawers and a kettlebell will we be able to rectify our shortcoming (aka send you what you actually ordered).
But between you and us — wink, wink — you’re opting for a suboptimal deal. So think before acting and clicking those pics. There’s still time. You see, we really are exceptional at what we do, which is customer service.
Your wish is our top priority and our mission is to run the extra mile to fulfill your expectations.
As a side note, we’re a little tired from all the running, and we’d really appreciate it if you could make this easy for us. How about you keep the bloody dresser?
And, and….
We’ll also send you the pink kettlebell — completely free of charge.
