Member-only story
Doctor Funny “Macabre Month”
When Your Penis Is a Psychopomp
FYI, a psychopomp is a being that escorts souls to the afterlife
I used to be a regular guy. I loved my family, I paid my taxes — I used my penis to pee and masturbate and procreate. Mostly. That changed when I got appendicitis. One moment I was fine, the next I felt stabbed in the guts. My wife drove me to the hospital while I mewled like a kicked dog.
Once there, I waited long enough in the ER for my appendix to burst. Then I passed out, and woke again as they prepped me for surgery. It occurred to me that, after the gas knocked me out, they’d pull open my hospital gown.
They would see me naked.
I’m a modest person, and roughly 50% of the medical staff were women. I didn’t want them to see me naked. That lack of desire inversely prompted an erection that grew even as they placed the mask over my face, and pumped in the gas. That was the first of many problematic erections to come.
Something went wrong during the surgery — two things, actually. The first thing was that I died. Just like that — a monotone beep and a flat line on the monitor. I guess that happens sometimes. They were able to revive me, but not before the second thing happened.
