Member-only story
200 FUNNY WORDS
Why My Face Froze in Quebec City
I’ve never been that cold
In December 2007, I flew to Quebec City.
Preparing to land, the pilot made his announcements in French. I waited for the English translation, but it never arrived. All I understood was the word “temperature.”
The announcement sounded something like this: “La température au sol est de moins onze degrés Celsius.”
With my Texas accent, I asked the guy next to me, “Parlez-vous anglais?”
“Oui, un peu,” came the response, “a little.”
“How cold? I’m from Texas.”
“For you, my Texas friend, it’s fucking cold,” he said in broken English. I had him teach me the statement in French.
Two hours later, I was standing on the steps of the historic Assemblée nationale du Québec, a famous landmark building.
My face was frozen; I had ice on my beard; my fingers were numb; my ears were crispy; and my eyes hurt. My nuts had disappeared, and I’m sure my dick had shrunk to the size of a molecule.
My host asked in broken English how I was doing.
All I could say in broken French was “Putain, il fait froid,” meaning “fuck, it’s cold.”
