WEDDING PARTY
Why You Want Me at Your Wedding
Move over Owen and Vince, there’s a new clown in town
You want me at your wedding. Trust me. I make a fabulous wedding guest. At least I used to. It’s been a pretty minute since I’ve been invited to one, but I’d probably make an even better one now at the ripe old age of not giving a fuck.
Sadly for me — but mostly for you — my wedding season has long since come and gone, leaving me longing for a good, old-fashioned nuptial celebration.
Let’s skip that boring ceremony you’ve been planning for five years that was rescheduled three times due to COVID. I don’t care if you’re planning to rap your own vows while standing on your heads. Give me a dance floor with your cousin’s neighbor’s brother’s auto-mechanic turned DJ any old day.
Unfortunately, there’s no one left in my circle, so I’ve been begging all of my friends to get divorced. One spouse seems so basic. Don’t be basic. Get a divorce and marry the first soul who compliments your ass. The rest is a wash, so I’m ready for my invite.
Why you want me as your guest of honor —
