Day 319 — November 15th 2021
The Twin Dilemma Parts One and Two
The Twin Dilemma — Part One
About a decade ago, before I’d decided that Doctor Who internet forums were a terrible place I didn’t want to spend any of my time, I remember stumbling across a discussion thread about The Twin Dilemma. It was just one of those casual threads where you talked about the story and gave it a rating out of ten on a poll. One particular comment stuck out and annoyed me so much that I can’t think about this story without thinking about that comment.
I’m paraphrasing because I can’t recall it word-for-word, but it went along the lines of ‘I’ve not seen The Twin Dilemma, but I gave it a 1/10 because everyone knows it’s the worst story of them all’. It’s the perfect example of what I mean when I say that stories can be massively effected by the way they chart in the Doctor Who Magazine polls. I suspect that The Twin Dilemma always ranks at the bottom of the polls not because that’s where it deserves to be, but because people like that poster on a forum think it’s where it’s supposed to be. The same is true, in my mind, of Fear Her. It’s often ranked as the ‘worst’ episode of the New Testament, and while your milage may vary I can think of plenty of other episodes more deserving of that spot. It’s consigned to the bottom of the list simply because it’s been there before.
Anyway, when I sat down to watch The Twin Dilemma in 2014 for my previous marathon I decided that I was going to use it as a chance for a proper rebuttal to that stranger on the internet. I was going to sing the praises of the story and make sure I rated it nice and high to prove a point. I can’t remember what score I ended up giving it, but I know I came away thinking ‘actually, it might not be the worst ever, but it’s not very good…’ This time around, I’ve decided I’ve no scores to settle or points to prove, so I’m just going with gut instinct.
And d’you know what? There’s a lot I like about this opening episode. The main thing is that I’ve really enjoyed watching it, quoting along with the awful stuff (I had a great time shouting ‘and may my bones rot for obeying it’ back at the screen), laughing at some of the genuinely funny stuff. I feel like you needed this episode to pivot into a considerably lighter tone after The Caves of Androzani, which was pretty unremittingly bleak throughout.
So; the good stuff. Hugo’s crashed spaceship looks genuinely impressive, and I’m amazed that it only features on screen for a very small amount of time — two minutes at the very most, probably closer to 90 seconds. The model for the Freighter looks pretty impressive, and although it’s sort of silly I can’t help loving that when Hugo’s ship is in space it’s got little sirens on the back to indicate that he’s a policeman! Hah! That’s ridiculous, but it’s the kind of thing that I can imagine both Graham Williams and Russell T Davies having in their own eras.
The biggest thing which stands out in this episode is Colin Baker, who really hits the ground running and is giving it his all in every scene. He feels significantly different to Peter Davison right from the off which is exactly what you want from a regeneration. The most exciting thing about the process is that everything can be new again, and this certainly highlights that. It’s also nice to have him bounce straight back up and roar into the adventure — Pertwee, Tom Baker and Davison all had to spend some time coming round.
Unfortunately, Colin is also at the heart of the single worst part of the episode, and arguably the worst moment in the entire Old Testament; he tries to strangle Peri during one of his mood swings. It’s one of those things where you genuinely have to wonder what the production team were thinking, and it’s a sign that at least some people on the team needed moving on if they all looked at this and thought ‘yeah, that’s fine’. It’s a pretty damning indictment of the Sixth Floor at the BBC, too, that none of them stepped in to rule it out either.
And I think the scene could be saved very easily by simply cutting before the strangulation. All the material where Doctor Who begins to turn on Peri is genuinely unsettling (helped along by a menacing turn from Colin), and I think if you let that scene play out to the moment where he calls her evil before having her give him a little slap on the cheek to snap him out of it this would be a lot better thought of. As it is I can’t help but feel like I’m going to look at Peri as an abused wife for the rest of her time with this incarnation.
It’s especially a shame because I think in other places the pair work really well together with a slightly spikier relationship than we’ve been used to. I love the moment where Doctor Who decides to keep his outfit basically to spite Peri because she told him it was awful, and I had a proper laugh hat him returning her declaration (‘yuck!’) when she picked out some new clothes of her own.
The strangulation isn’t the only thing in this episode which doesn’t quite work and I’ll accept that there’s plenty of rubbish material in here, too. The biggest thing for me is the dialogue, which I think suffers all the more for having to follow a script by Robert Holmes, which was naturally filled with great turns of phrase. Almost nothing in this one feels in any way natural. Take a snippet of the conversation the twins have with their dad;
Dad: ‘I wish you would be kinder to your mother.’
Twins: ‘Why?’
Dad: ‘She is your mother.’
Remus: ‘Because Mother happened to give birth to us, does that automatically grant her a place in our affections?’
Dad: ‘Yes! Yes, of course.’
Remus: ‘Respect must be earned, Father. Mother is a fool, you know that. Do you now wish us to respect fools? You’ve always said the contrary.’
Dad: ‘Your mother is who she is, whether you think her a fool or not. It’s no excuse for poor manners and lack of concern.’
Remus: ‘As you wish, Father.’
It’s all so stilted and proper. I think it’d feel out of place in a 1950s drama about the Victorian era, let alone in the middle of 1980s Doctor Who and featuring two kids from the future! No one is immune to the weird turns of phrase in this one, and even Peri gets an especially bad example of talking in a way that no American teenager ever would;
Doctor Who: ‘Peri? How did you come by a name like that?’
Peri: ‘It’s the diminutive of my proper name, Perpugilliam.’
A couple of last things to highlight. We can add Hugo to the list of Guest Characters who get to enter the TARDIS (it’s a Davison Era tradition which will carry on into Colin’s run too now I’ve started to think about it) and I want to start tracking two other things as we go through the next two seasons.
Firstly, how long does it take before Doctor Who and Peri a) leave the TARDIS and b) encounter the main story. They’re two things which I recall taking ages in several of these adventures, so I’ll be interested to see if it’s something I think of as worse than it is. In this one they leave the ship 21 minutes and 30 seconds in, and encounter Hugo unconscious about half a minute later. I reckon I can let them off a bit on this occasion, though, because most of Colin’s material here is dealing with the regeneration. And heck, he makes it out of the TARDIS quicker than Peter Davison did…!
The other thing is keeping track of how many cliffhangers in this era feature a big close up of Colin Baker’s face. It’s something which I think becomes a bit of a running joke during Trial of a Time Lord, but I’m excited to see that it’s already kicking in this early. And you know what? Caves of Androzani ended with one too, so that’s already two points on the board.
6/10
The Twin Dilemma — Part Two
Okay, so I think once the ‘new’ has worn off the poorer aspects of this story start coming to the fore a bit more. Certainly while there’s still things to enjoy in this second episode it’s not kept me entertained as much as the opening episode did. And as ever when my attention starts to wander I find myself giving the plot a bit more scrutiny than it probably bears and start to pick holes in it.
So in this case; why has Azmael been using a psudonym? When he’s introduced in Part One he gives his name as ‘Professor Edgeworth’, and it’s in this form that Mestor refers to him throughout. When Doctor Who first recognises his true identity I assumed he was going to try and sweep it under the rug, that there’s some reason for having to hide himself… but no. Well, at least it doesn’t seem like it. He doesn’t try to correct Doctor Who or quieten him down, and he accepts his name in front of two of the owl people who’d surely report back to Mestor, so he can’t be all that worried about it.
While we’re on the subject of Azmael or Edgeworth or whoever they might be, am I the only one who reads their wistful remembrance of a night together as having romantic undertones?
Doctor Who: ‘Oh, forgive me, old friend. Of course you don’t recognise me. I’ve regenerated twice since our last meeting. Look, the twin hearts that beat as one? I’m a Time Lord, just as you are, and in case you still pretend not to know who I am, let me remind you. The last night I stayed, that last night, when you drank like twenty giants and I had to push you in the fountain to sober you up...’
When Azmael confirms that he remembers ‘that night by the fountain’ it’s with the kind of tone which suggests there was more to it than simply two blokes going for a drink together! It’s absolutely going in my headcanon that they shared a romantic night together which ended with a drunken kiss. And heck, if I had to picture then then so do you.
Something else in this episode which isn’t so much a plot hole as simply a bit of missing set up… just what are the twins’ special powers? In Part One their dad says ‘neither of you has the faintest idea of your real powers. Your mathematical skill could change events on a massive scale’, and they’re being forced to do maths in this episode on behalf of Mestor… but what exactly is it that they can do? I’m assuming that it’s a case of the same sort of stuff we saw on Logopolis, where they can use sums to alter the physical world, but that story was broadcast three years ago at this point, so surely they can’t be expecting the audience to remember that? I feel as though we need some kind of demonstration of what they can do, otherwise it’s hard to really care. And oh, I know it’s churlish of me to criticise the performance of two children, but there’s a reason we don’t often have kids in Doctor Who, because it’s almost painful to watch them.
And then there’s Mestor. I can’t decide if it’s an alright bit of design which would have still been better off being kept in the shadows, or if it’s a terrible piece of work. Either way, I think they missed a trick by revealing him in full lighting during Part One, because the moment he projects himself into a doorway to threaten the twins is a much more effective introduction which almost manages to make him a bit scary. I’d have kept him to the brief hint of face seen during his telepathic conferences and then save the full reveal for this moment.
There’s a lot less to enjoy, but I’m still going with a 4/10. I can’t claim to be bored by this, which is always a plus in my book…!
