Data killed my Desire (Part 1)
With the advent of smartphones, we’ve gamified almost every experience in our lives and converted into a digital product with a business model. We tend to forget how enriching and fulfilling our lives were before the accessibility to internet had eased to a push of the power button on a smartphone in my hand.No wonder we’re all nostalgic about the 90’s, the last generation before the internet took us over.
‘Data killed my Desire’ is series of opinions putting across the shortfalls of tech as it tries to cater to our changing needs, frustrations and expectations(?). Its a dissection of whether our lifestyles have been influenced with the plethora of applications, and whether in the future technology could replace traditional approaches of mankind. This particular article talks about the changing dating scenario, and if we UX guys are to blame for it? Or are we looking for the wrong things?
“Its a Match” — Dating via Data:
Tinder has become a buzzword in the recent times, as we have started looking towards technology to fulfill our needs for love and lust. As a tech enthusiast and someone who was looking for some adventure and likes to conduct social experiments(that is another story), I tried Tinder for a day ; my profile always read- “Doing UX Research, Swipe Right at your own risk.”. Within a lot of swipes left and a odd number right, I picked a date with someone whose interests were similar to mine, we chatted quite a bit before we decided to address the elephant in the room and negotiate the date to what, when and where to finally meet in person. To my surprise, our conversations didn’t hit off as expected. There were decent amount of awkward silences, and generic interview lines to keep us through dinner, and both us wanted to close the day and head our own way. After the date, we tried to keep in touch due to courtesy, but I’m glad I won’t meet them again.
The thing is that algorithms are supposed to match you based on common interests, its just that there goes a lot more to human connect than these common interests. That data is qualitative, not quantitative; its about what exactly did you derive or interpret from a book/movie as opposed to how much you like reading a book, or a movie on a scale on 1–10, which dating applications tend to miss out. Common interests are something you’re supposed to like, but neither that is the rule nor the opposite the exception. How you judge yourself is also completely relative. Someone might find having a post-grad degree a norm while the other might consider them as highly educated. Do you get my drift?
On another occasion, precisely after a year, when my mother casually stemmed the fear of how potential marriage time was inching closer, I panicked and decided to try two more dating apps (TruelyMadly, Happn) simultaneously But within an hour of making a decent profile, took myself off those platforms.
The reason simply felt as if I was shopping for dates, while being paraded with so many faces + tagline put on a carousel, to be picked up till the time stocks last (FOMO anyone?). How is one supposed to find the human connect while trying to hold up a casual chat with a stranger, simultaneously selling yourself in the process (also called putting yourself ‘out there’ as euphemism), as they swiftly glance over your hobbies and other cool things about you. Suddenly the gradual process of unfolding another human being is a rushed carefully careless chat, as long as you hold the interest of the other party, and they hold yours back. Stressful and Uncomfortable.
In real life, if you’d ever meet a person, the only thing you look out towards is how well you get along. This doesn’t mean both of you have to like the same music or movies, or need to pursue the same hobbies, its just how easily both of you ‘click’ with each other. You’re more likely to be willing to compromise in this case, if you knew you connected well. Notice, how the choice to compromise came in much later, when the initial experience was good. While dating on an application almost always means, making an informed decision about risking a compromise first and then getting to know whether the experience has been worth the reward. It also means you’re more likely to be judgmental on the physical attributes of a person based on just 5 pictures, even before looking at them in real life, something which you wouldn’t bother if you met the same person without the fear of losing out the potential match.
That’s where these products need to improvise a LOT, from becoming the starting trigger of a digital human connect, to being actually convert it to an offline event, and push the user to make deep relationship offline. As of now, there is very little serendipity to the entire event, finding a decent match on Tinder/insert-any-other-app, is as much a chore as trying shoes in a mall, whilst trying not to get emotionally attached just in case its outside your budget.
Personally, I have nothing against dating apps, and I feel quite optimistic about technology when people do find potential partners on these sites, but the effort and patience is required to deal with so many people to find something that is fine tuned for you, is a lot. However the pro is clearly that you get to meet someone your own social circle was incapable of providing without external help and if your date doesn’t work out, at least you’ll find some cool people to be friends with or a great story for your grandkids; with whom, maybe in a parallel universe, you would have hit off instantaneously, and taken things in a different direction. For someone who is more fast paced, and knows exactly what they are looking for, these applications maybe a great launch pad to beat away the social awkwardness otherwise.You could also get enough fodder to make a viral YouTube video on the Tinder Traumas you had to deal with, or just pass off this adventure as a comment on our society under the pretext of research like me, or this one. :)
Disclaimer: All views are personal.
