VIII: Addicted to Work
Natalie Hoffman, counselor at Thriveworks, January 2018
If our grandparents, living in that ridiculously primitive past, could be content, just imagine how happy we would be! Scientists told us this was so, it was preached from the pulpits of churches, and it was confirmed by thousands of TV commercials celebrating the good life. Yet despite all these assurances, sooner or later we wake up alone, sensing that there is no way this affluent, scientific, and sophisticated world is going to provide us with happiness.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: Psychology of Happiness
It took me a while to acknowledge I was workaholic. It started after I took a new job few years ago. I would respond to emails after hours, on weekends, and during bank holidays. I would never take vacation but I would bring work to parties and family events. I would talk about work all the time, in person and on social media. I even put the company name in my Twitter handle and tweeted with corporate hashtags. #HindsightIs20/20.
I thought it meant I was engaged and passionate. I took offense when people suggested otherwise. One friend suggested that each time I responded to an email at 10 PM, I put a silent obligation on other team members to do the same. Ridiculous, I thought. I, after all, was only offering myself, not demanding 24/7 availability from anyone else. Another friend warned I would end up in therapy. I scoffed at her, too. They both turned out right. I couldn’t see that, because I was too busy working.
When you’re a socially awkward person with no self-esteem and all of a sudden you get promotions and receive praise from the executives for your dedication and hard work, it’s easy to overlook you’re spending 60 hours a week harming yourself. But over the course of two years, I burned out completely and realized I had a problem that my employer was happy to exploit. I left the company shortly after. Since then, I’ve been religious about working 9–5 and not checking my inbox after hours. But I’m still embarrassed about how silly I was and how I ignored all the red flags in my own behavior. Does Work Work provided an opportunity to try and understand how people fall into the trap of workaholism. I reached out to Thriveworks, an American counseling and life coaching practice, and counselor Natalie Hoffman spoke to me about dealing with work addiction.
Wojtek Borowicz: Where does workaholism come from? Why do people become addicted to work?
Natalie Hoffman: Some workaholics had experiences in childhood where they were parentified — forced to take on adult responsibility as a child. This would include having to care for younger children at home, or having a parent with an addiction or mental health diagnosis who was unable to care for their emotional needs. In other instances workaholism is a learned behavior. The workaholic may have been raised in a family where hard work and achievement was praised, and the child’s sense of self was largely formed around what they did and did not achieve and accomplish. Such a child may come to believe their parents’ love must be earned by hard work.
It is also possible that there is a link between childhood trauma and workaholism, possibly fueled by a drive to avoid feelings and a need to overcome shame by becoming good enough. And we cannot ignore the influences our society has on workaholism. We are taught to work harder and longer in order to make more money, buy the big house, gain praise and recognition and succeed in life. We are conditioned to believe that if we try and set boundaries in our work lives, one of our coworkers will work harder and surpass us or get the promotion we were hoping for.
One would assume people get addicted to things they enjoy. Where is the line between doing what you love and becoming a workaholic?
If you love what you do for work, and work hard at it, yet are still emotionally present and available to those in your life (family, friends, co-workers) then you are likely not a workaholic. A person who is dedicated to their work, yet is still attached to their children and family, and will balance long nights at the office with family outings and going to their child’s sporting event is likely not a workaholic. Workaholics, in addition to developing an obsessive-compulsive relationship with work have a decrease in their emotional functioning so their decision making is no longer driven by their emotions and attachments to other people.
Can you hate your job and still be a workaholic?
Yes. Similar to other addictions where you can hate the fact that you are abusing drugs or alcohol, yet you continue to abuse them. Workaholics are not addicted to the actual work they do, they are addicted to the adrenaline high that they get from being obsessed with working and achieving work-related goals and praise.
How does workaholism affect your work performance? Are workaholics more or less productive? Or is there no rule for that?
Workaholics can be very productive for a period of time. In my experience, it can often be the difference between a sprint and a marathon. Workaholics are likely setting themselves up for productivity in the short term, but may start to burn out and face problems in the long term. Because they are often moving at a fast pace, multitasking, not taking enough breaks and not getting enough sleep, workaholics will often face difficulty focusing and and increases in anxiety and depression. Increased anxiety and depression can lead to greater difficulties sleeping and an inability to relax, which in turn can affect work performance, causing them to spend even more time on work to get everything done. It’s a cycle.
I’ve occasionally come across claims that workaholism can be a good thing. Is there any scientific basis for such an opinion?
In the short term a workaholic can accomplish career goals and advance professionally. I’m not aware of any scientific evidence of the benefits of workaholism in the long term.
There’s research indicating only moderate correlation between workaholism and working time. Can you be a workaholic without working long hours? How does that work?
In my experience it seems that the converse is true. Just because you work long hours does not necessarily mean you are a workaholic. That being said, in theory you could work an average number of hours yet be consumed by thoughts about work and feel the compulsion to work but be unable to (such as perhaps your office locks it’s doors at 5 and you are forced to go home). Also, I have seen instances where workaholics were working 100-hour weeks, then cut back their work hours to a normal range, usually due to pressure from family, however they were still emotionally detached. If their emotional functioning is not influencing their decision-making in life, they are still demonstrating traits of being a workaholic. Such clients were unable to form healthy attachments with their loved ones despite having more time in their schedules to do so.
How does workaholism affect one’s life outside of the workplace?
It can derail marriages, cause resentment from spouses, create emotional distance, affect sex drive, and ultimately lead to divorce. It can lead to depression and anxiety and an inability to relax because a person in always on and never fully present at home or with friends. Emotional detachment can make it very difficult to establish bond with young children. A young child may refuse to be left with or fed by a parent who they feel no attachment towards.
There is also evidence that workaholism can impact your physical health, seeing as prolonged increases in cortisol levels are associated with a long list of health problems. Like any addiction, workaholism, especially when prolonged, can eat away at any area of a person’s life: spiritual, emotional, family, leisure, and creativity.
Should we expect employers to do more to prevent workaholism? What measures can they take?
A consistent problem that I notice among my clients who struggle with workaholism is a difficulty setting boundaries and separating themselves from their jobs in their personal life. A large component of this is technology. As a society, we are far too accessible to our bosses and clients. Many patients of mine use their personal cell phone for work, or have a work phone number that rings to their personal phone, so that their employer knows they can be reached after hours and on weekends. It is now a standard in our society that we have our email on our phone and check it multiples times a day. Too many employers call, text, and email their employees at times when they are not at work, and their employees feel pressured to respond. Many of my clients tell me I can’t not respond… what if it’s an email from a potential client or an investor, we could lose money. There is a sense that everyone else in the company is answering emails 24/7, so if they don’t they are behind. I had a client recently tell me that her boss frequently calls her at 9:00 at night. She asked if that’s normal, because the boss has always done that.
Companies need to set more appropriate boundaries and stop incentivizing and promoting employees who make themselves available 24/7.
What were some of the most severe cases of workaholism you came across?
I have treated cases of workaholism that have played key factors in the breakdown of marriages, causing them to lead to divorce. I have treated individuals so addicted to working long hours that when their partners begged them to spend more time at home, they couldn’t. When their partners threatened to leave them end the marriage, they gave the impression they just didn’t care. I have seen fathers who have no attachment to their young children due to their absence from home while at work. I have seen clients who had no self-awareness that they work long hours, miss family functions, and that emotional detachment and emptiness were a problem. They simply thought this was normal and what everyone does to get ahead in life.
There is a sense that everyone else in the company is answering emails 24/7, so if they don’t they are behind. I had a client recently tell me that her boss frequently calls her at 9:00 at night. She asked if that’s normal, because the boss has always done that.
And finally, how do you recognize symptoms of workaholism in yourself? How to act and where to seek help?
Signs of workaholism can include working to feel good, or to temporarily rid yourself of negative emotions (depression, shame, guilt). Also continuing to focus on work and dedicate large amount of time and mental energy to work, despite close friends and family members expressing concern. Prioritizing work over hobbies, family and friends. Working in excess even though it is causing health problems or relational stress. Being unable to relax if you are not working, and difficulty enjoying a day off. When you’re a workaholic, you find yourself becoming increasingly emotionally detached. Things that you used to care about, you no longer do. Things that should upset you, don’t.
Seeking help can range from therapy to a support group and even inpatient care if the problem is severe enough and is present alongside other mental health concerns. Whether a workaholic seeks professional or self help, the individual would want to increase their own self-awareness into their behaviors and compulsions. They would want to learn to set better work boundaries, and learn to re-engage with loved ones in an attempt to reattach. Therapy is particularly helpful in coping with any underlying issues contributing to the addiction to work.
