Chilli Parsons, Renovation Consultant
It’s all fun and games until someone goes through an asbestos wall
Zoom, zoom, ZOOM!!
The area from the backyard to the bedroom was a racetrack. Rotto and I raced laps at top speed. Our people wagged their fingers at us, “Slow down,” they said. “You might hurt yourself.”
But seven-month-old puppies fear nothing. The game became even better as we got older. We’d grown tall enough to jump onto the big bed. It was a comfy landing place. The fact that the big bed would slide sideways a little only added to the thrill.
Eventually, we managed to build up enough momentum that the bed slid all the way to the wall. We were daredevils. There was no stopping us!
Everything changed the day I gained enough momentum to slam the bed into the wall. There was an awful crunching sound. Uhoh — that meant trouble!
Our people paced and muttered. Strange men came, looked at the wall, and shook their heads. The next thing I knew, the room was taped off like a crime scene. I didn’t know it then, but that day started my career as a Renovation Consultant.
The wall couldn’t be repaired. It needed to be removed by an asbestos specialist. In the end, all four walls and the ceiling were replaced. The new rebuild came with some fancy shutters that have perfect nose-sized gaps. Now it’s super easy to spy on the neighbors — a girls gotta keep an eye on the comings and goings of the street!
But fancy shutters aside, there was one pretty big downside. The floorboards are polished and became an out-of-bounds area. Now the bedroom door stays shut during the day. It spoils the racetrack. So I got to thinking — could I improve the racetrack with a shorter circuit?
Renovation Project #2 Kitchen Floor
The kitchen had some ugly green lino with cracks all over it. It’s the one part of the racetrack that forces us puppies to slow down. Not just because of the cracks, more because it’s slippery. There’s nothing worse than crashing out of the race by sliding into the cupboards at top speed. Replacing the kitchen lino is a big job, probably why my people kept putting it off. All they needed was a little nudge. And I knew the perfect way to do it.
I started at the spot with a smell. That’s where Pepsi liked to pee before she was toilet trained. It took me all day. I had to chew through lino, followed by tiles, then compressed chipboard. Lucky I’m a working dog because I knew how to push through and keep going — this floor wasn’t going to defeat me. I’ve got tough teeth — I’m yet to find anything that is Heeler proof.
By the end of the day, right as my people returned, I’d found the floorboards. Successful excavation completed!
Now initially, my people were cross. Unbelievably cross, but as it turns out, the spot I’d chosen (the nose never lies!) had a broken floorboard underneath it. So back came the workmen, and they carried on where I’d left off and ripped everything up right back to the floorboards.
The workmen fixed the cracked boards at my initial excavation site and found three other places where a section of the boards was completely missing. It was only a matter of time before someone had fallen through the floor. It turns out my racetrack renovations saved the day.
Renovation Project #3 Kitchen Door
The new kitchen floor is an ideal surface for our racetrack. You can build up some serious traction. Now the only thing I have to worry about is the kitchen door. My people have taken to closing it. Thereby stopping the race mid-track. It’s not right, so I’ve turned my mind to renovation again.
Just think how perfect my racetrack will be once there is a new kitchen door, complete with an upgrade that includes a doggy door!
My people say the project is “under consideration,” but so far, there’s been no concrete action.
I may have to carve that doggy door out myself.
Wish me luck!
First published on Vocal.Media
