I’ve Been Falsely Accused
Pepsi the Perfect Puppy sets the record straight
Canine Story Advisor — it seemed like a good fit for me. I live in suburbia, there are no cattle to heel around here, and a working dog needs a job. So, story advice, I could do that.
I thought it would entail imparting wisdom about the inner workings of the doggy mind. My words would provide meaningful advice for other puppies and their humans. But there was an awful lot of lounging about while the writing happened. After taping away frantically on the keyboard, my writer would read aloud to me. Reading aloud sessions were the fun part — I got to hear my name a lot. I was going to be famous!
But when I started to pay attention to the other words, I noticed something. Words like naughty, shenanigans, trouble, and problem seemed to be on high repeat. This tome did not bear my wisdom. It seemed to be all about the naughty things I had done.
And I wasn’t that naughty. Really, I wasn’t.
There’s a whole chapter devoted to my toilet training. It’s not like I was overly hard to toilet train. I like to call it stubborn. I had a spot I liked, and I didn’t want to give it up. Not that everyone needed to know about that. Some things happen secretly and should remain private.
