Dog Tales: Let Me Introduce to You, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely-Hearts Club Band….
Yeah, Shameless Click-bait to introduce myself to y’all in the form of a C.V. in narrative form!
Me and my humans lived in three different houses in Fort Worth, TX. Then we moved to a nice brick house in Jonesboro, AR — a small town otherwise known as Dullsville. I also visited some cities on the east coast including Pittsburg, Harrisburg and Philadelphia. You could say that I’ve traveled a lot! That will be one of the bullet points on my real C.V. when I get around to writing it.
My name is Whitney, by the way. I understand now that I was named after a lake in Tarrant County, TX. One of my humans, the ones who rescued me from some place called the Humane Society when I was a youngster, was a bit of a contrarian. He had a female dog, Frank, when I joined the family– she looked like a black version of Toto from the Wizard of Oz. They said she was part poodle…I never believed a word of it, as her behavior was all terrier. Smart as a whip, as they say; I guess that was the poodle part.
Why do I say contrarian about one of those humans? I am a boy! Hmmm…isn’t Whitney a girl’s name? Or is it an intersex name, now? Anyway, I never saw either a boy or girl lake, from up here, so I guess it really doesn’t matter. Never mind, I digress.
Also, I no longer ‘am.’ I guess I should use the proper verb tenses since I learned all about grammar after my abrupt departure from Arkansas and went on to live in another plane of existence — The Great Beyond as one of my humans likes to call it. So, the proper verb tense is “was,” you wanna-be English teachers out there who might be compelled to correct me. In the big scheme of things, correcting people for their grammar faux pas, is just silly; hopefully, you’ll get to see it my way. BTW: there’s a lot of those grammar problems in Arkansas. Yeah, that sounds like a stereotype, but there’s a reason stereotypes are ‘out there.’ I’ll shut up now about that topic. I’m just trying to impress you with my skill set — that’s what a C.V. is intended to do, right?
So that you know, I generally prefer the present tense. I’m writing this as my spirit lives on into eternity. Yes, I kid you not. I’ll write another chapter about my passing from one stage of existence to this one in a different chapter of the Adventures of Whitney — White Wonder Dog.
I’m open to suggestions for amending the book title, though. Maybe it’s not sufficiently, how do you say, politically correct? I don’t want to sound like a white nationalist or white supremacist because, well, I think you know why. I became a part of an integrated family: one black dog, one white dog and two white humans! Yeah, it could have been more balanced, but I really didn’t have a choice in the matter about which family I would be joining when I left that little cage at the Humane Society. Oops, I just digressed again. Bear with me, please. I’m still developing my writing chops.
How about this for an alternate title: Adventures of Whitney — Smartest Dog Ever? Maybe that sounds too Trumpian? Adventures of Whitney — The Underdog? Does humility work for book titles? You the reader can decide and let me know your preferences in the comment section below. OR if you have an even better title suggestion, just IM me.
Yes, I now have my own FB page; thanks to Mark Zuckerberg. He has no clue that I’m a former dog, now with beautiful angelic wings. He never checks, and that why y’all have that pretend president “in charge” down there. Why you call us dogs, still totally perplexes me, even though I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles….That’s a phrase from an old Pete Townsend lyric, I think. Who is Pete Townsend? Yes, The Who. Sorry for going off on a bunny trail (a euphemism for digressing), again. Bad habit…remember now, that animal spirit still lives in me; one of my humans really likes bunnies. Her pseudonym is Linda Lapin. Get it? Lapin — it’s French for bunny! I’ll add the French language as a bullet point on my real C.V.!
You are probably wondering about my use of y’all: I picked up that phrasing in Texas. YUP, it’s a charming habit, if I say so myself. But I’ve never driven a pick-up truck with a rifle rack. My humans never liked that sort of thing. They taught me well when we shared our many homes. Except on C.V.’s, I do not like bullets. Yeah, a story for another chapter. Just wait.
My pedigree? Well, I don’t really have one and I was never into that elitist thing with dogs having “papers.” Except for peeing on them when they’re youngsters…oops, another bunny trail. I was adopted because one of my humans said I looked like a Boston Terrier — despite the fact that I was mostly white, with a peachy colored wide stripe going down my back. The same size, weight, undershot jaw, wide stop (if I were a human, you would call it a forehead), bug eyes. Very strong back legs — for jumping! My specialty was jumping — got me into a lot of trouble and a lot of adventures! Stay tuned!
Oh yeah, I’ll add the strong hind legs and the undershot jaw to the real C.V. as additional skill sets!!
In a couple of days I’ll publish my story called The Great Escape.
© Linda Lapin (aka Linda A. Robinson) 2018