Before you use your dog as a wingman …
Five tips to help read a woman’s body language around dogs
I felt something brush past my calf and tap me. I looked down and scowled. Some guy had his dog off his leash and was just letting him cruise up and down the street. He smiled at me and said, “Oh, he must really like you. He’s jumping all over you.” I mumbled, “Control your dog” and kept walking. I had had the roughest day at work and just wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat. But for a dog fanatic like me to not want to play with someone’s dog, that was completely out of character.
I pondered on that incident while watching this video of a French bulldog named Gomi on Instagram. The most beautiful French bulldog in the world to me will always be the gray one pictured above, but all I kept thinking while observing the French bulldog in this video was, “This would’ve worked on me.” The dog owner is almost doing everything right. Gomi could easily be his wingman (or wingpup) but there are a couple of things he should do differently. Fellas, if you want your dog to help you pursue ladies, consider these pup tips before your next walk.
Watch the woman’s mannerisms to see if she even likes your dog.
I have yet to meet a dog owner who was willing to dismiss his dog because the lady he liked wasn’t into her. Look no further than the latest season of “Ready to Love” with one cast member who was determined to make his love interest warm up to two ginormous Labrador Retrievers.
While I’m not a big fan of letting your dogs be off the leash, if you’re going to do this anyway, watch her reaction. Notice in this first video, neither woman even attempted to pet the French bulldog no matter how many times he rubbed up on them. But in this second video and this third one, the wingpup got a whole crew of admirers. If she’s not impressed by your dog from the very beginning, move on quickly. That’s a fight you don’t want to deal with later. While some women (me included) do eventually warm up to dogs she may not initially like, dog owners will usually want their dogs around. If his potential “date” does not, prepare to be putting this dog up in another room or the yard anytime she comes by.
Under no circumstances should your dog hump her leg.
If your dog is not neutered or spayed, prepare for a whole lot of humping in those puppy years. Dogs will hump couches, legs, blankets, other dogs and just about anything in sight. I once tried to impress a crowd of boys on my block by hopping my gangway gate. Before I could fully get over the gate, my dog chose that exact moment to lick the crotch of my pants. Instead of the boys being impressed by my amateur athleticism, you can pretty much guess what those teenage boys zeroed in on. Surprisingly, we never did get Shep neutered (who lived to be 13) but I never lived that story down.
If you know your dog is a humper, please avoid the dirty jokes that go along with him doing it. Just apologize and change the topic. Don’t have that wingman who comes off more creepy than helpful.
Make sure your dog is socialized.
If you have ever asked your married friend or the just-been-dumped friend to be your wingman, that’s about how the vibe will be with a dog that’s not socialized. The absolute last thing you want to do is try to bring along a dog who doesn’t like the girl. Not only will your dog cock-block your whole potential dating experience, but you’ll also make the woman nervous too. No growling. No aggressive barking. No dirty paws on her clean outfit. Make sure your dog knows how to act around strangers.
Watch her mannerisms as you approach.
Dog people are always paying attention to other dogs. We can’t help it. If there’s a dog going by, our necks swivel around. There was a Cockapoo who I walked Monday through Friday for months. I never had to ponder on whether she liked me or whether she was interested in being walked. As soon as my car was in the driveway, I could feel two eyes staring at me. She was in the window waiting. For fun, if I was early, I’d sit in my car a couple of minutes, knowing she was waiting by the garage door for me to come in.
If I didn’t move quick enough, those eyes were back on me and this time she’d hit the window with her paws or bark. Women who like dogs will let you know they like dogs before they probably pay attention to the man walking the dog. We’re the window watchers. Speaking only for myself (and my Twitter bio), dogs are better than diamonds. Seeing (wo)man’s best friend walking alongside a man automatically makes him more attractive — no matter what he looks like. But reverting back to the “control your dog” snarky remark, I was boiling mad on my way home and wanted to do nothing more than take my work clothes off and bury myself under the covers.
My guess is the guy with the dog thought the ice cold glare on my face would warm up with his dog. But again, if the woman is not paying any attention to your dog to begin with, how do you know she likes dogs at all? You may be wasting your time.
Let your dog show you if she’s worth it.
Whether you agree with the Mars and Venus analogy for men versus women, there are some constantly proven examples of how women and men react to emotional intelligence and physical touch. Some are instant. Others take time to learn. Meanwhile your dog has a pretty good idea of who (s)he likes. As mentioned in this post on pickup lines, my German Shepherd went absolutely nuts when a man tried to talk to me from his car. I did not have my phone on me. I asked him to write his number down and toss it, so I could pick it up after he left and my dog calmed down. As soon as he tossed it and drove off, my dog leaned over, chewed and swallowed it.
I have no idea why she seemed to be so repulsed by this driver, but her extreme reaction to him made me just have to take her word for it. If you’ve got a socialized dog who doesn’t react well to the woman you’re trying to date (among other things), you might want to trust your dog. Maybe she’s not all she’s cracked up to be. Even on my poutiest behavior on that walk home from work, that dog still wouldn’t leave me alone. The owner ended up carrying the dog away with the pup’s eyes still staring at me quizzically. Even the dog knew that this wingpup tactic should’ve worked. He just picked the wrong day to use it.
With that said, where there is one woman, there will be more. Good luck with your wingpup!