How to Make Your Relationships Authentically Harmonious
A quick guide to making decisions with others by understanding your needs
There is a common misconception that we need particular things to happen in order to feel satisfied. We want certain events, outcomes or objects — at times, we believe we need them — and so, naturally, we take actions in order to make these things happen. In the perfect world of our imaginings, all our desires would come to fruition, but as Jean-Paul Sartre reminds us, “Hell is other people.”
We do not live in the world of our imagination. We live in a world with all manner of others, with any number of desires all their own.
When our desired actions clash with the desires of others, we find ourselves in states of conflict. These conflicts can be minor arguments with loved ones or all-out international wars. They can be quick squabbles or painful, traumatic experiences. They can ruin relationships and alter the course of lives.
Many of them can also be avoided, without anyone sacrificing their own needs.
The problem with the way we look at conflict is that we typically treat it as a zero-sum game: either you win, I win, or each of us sacrifices something in service of a less-than-fully-satisfying resolution. If human nature were…
