Anthony Scaramucci’s Present & Probable Future: Schadenfreude For Some, Irony For Others

DavidGrace
Jul 30, 2017 · 6 min read

By David Grace (www.DavidGraceAuthor.com)

I think that after his recent antics there are a great many people who have decided that they don’t like Anthony Scaramucci.

News reports indicate that Mr. Scaramucci has desperately wanted to be part of the Trump administration for months, and they quote his soon-to-be ex-wife as decrying his political ambition, a quest that now seems to have cost him his marriage.

The New York Post reported on July 29, 2017:

“Anthony Scaramucci’s wife has filed for divorce after three years because of his ‘naked’ political ambition and because she hates his boss, President Donald Trump.”

As people once tendered Jehovah the blood of a freshly-killed lamb as the price of entrance to His temple, so Mr. Scaramucci, (Mooch to some) appears to have sacrificed his marriage on the President’s gilded, faux-marble altar as a proof-of-loyalty offering to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

For those who have taken a dislike to Mr. Scaramucci, the news that his wife has left him because of his devotion to Der Leader was likely a pleasant change from the usual depressing stories leaking out of our nation’s capital.

You’ve probably heard the German word, “Schadenfreude” which means taking pleasure in the misfortune of someone you don’t like.

Undoubtedly, the news that his service to Mr. Ego has triggered the collapse of Mr. Scaramucci’s marriage has released a veritable flood of schadenfreude amongst those who have rejected the blandishments of the Dark Lord.

But I think that the issue here goes deeper than an emotion that is more sophisticated than what we crude Americans would otherwise call “gloating.”

While some might want to ask Mr. Scaramucci,

  • “Was it worth it?”
  • “Did you love your wife?”
  • “Do you care that she’s left you?”
  • “Will you miss her?”
  • “Do you have a bullet-proof prenup?”

I think that the vital question for him should be:

“How confident are you that your dedication to Mr. Ego will be returned in kind?”

Unfortunately, Mooch isn’t taking questions from me right now, so let’s ask a few of Mr. Ego’s other acolytes instead:

  • “Mr. Sessions, what is your opinion on the level of Mr. Ego’s loyalty to those who risked all to help raise him up?”
  • “Mr. Reince Priebus, your thoughts on the President’s loyalty to others?”
  • “How about you, Mr. Manafort? No comment?”
  • “General Flynn? What? You’re taking the Fifth?”
  • “Mr. Corey Lewandowski, surely you have some opinion on Der Leader’s commitment to loyalty to those who risked all to join his service. No?”
  • “Mr. Comey, your thoughts about Mr. Trump on the topics of praise, loyalty and betrayal?”
  • “Ivana Trump?”
  • “Marla Maples Trump?”

Well, we can only theorize and wonder how loyal and devoted Der Leader will be to Mooch two or three months down the road.

I have this vision, (I’m amazingly psychic sometimes) — It’s November, the trees have lost their leaves, and lawns are dotted with pumpkins in anticipation of the appearance of tiny witches and goblins.

It’s seven a.m. and a sharp-eyed photographer catches a glimpse of Mr. Scaramucci scuttling out the White House back door. Cameras click as, hunched over, Mooch dives into a black Escalade.

The photographer had taken up his vigil because of a series of early-morning White House tweets.

A little after three a.m. Mr. Scaramucci was awakened by a call from a reporter for the New York Times.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, calling me at three in the morning you fucking, son-of-a-bitch, scum bag?” Scaramucci shouted.

“I’d like to get your reaction to President Trump’s tweet about you.”

“What? The President? A tweet?”

“You haven’t heard? — Mr. Scaramucci, at 3:06 this morning President Trump sent the following tweet:

I want to thank Anthony Scaramucci for his great service to the nation & I wish him well in his future endeavors.’

“My question is, Mr. Scaramucci: Did you resign or were you fired?”

“Where do you fake-news assholes get this crap, you lying sack of shit?” Mooch snarled. “The Big Guy would never fire me. I’m like a son to him. He told me so himself.”

“There were two follow-up tweets. I’d like to read them to you and get your reaction. The first was:

I’m pardoning Martin Shkreli after miscarriage of justice conviction by stupid left-wing jury and crooked judge.’

“The second one was:

Martin Shkreli, a real superstar, will be Communications Director starting tomorrow. Winning!

After six seconds of dead air, the reporter asked, “Will you stay on for a few days to give Mr. Shkreli the benefit of your expertise on how to have a terrific relationship with the media?”

After four more seconds of silence, Scaramucci muttered, “Shit!” and the phone went dead.

In many byways and alleys, corridors and cloakrooms, whispers repeated the words “Priebus” and “Irony” over and over again.

Later that morning Mr. Scaramucci released the first in a series of increasingly bizarre tweets in which he claimed that his firing was the result of being “cock-blocked” by the “unholy cabal” of Jared Kushner, Steve Bannon and Kellyanne Conway.

For those who don’t know what “cock blocked” means, it refers to a situation where a naked men is about to insert his penis into a naked woman’s vagina when, motivated by jealousy and envy, another man suddenly rushes forward and “blocks his cock” from making entry.

It’s a very sophisticated expression and is only used by the classiest people.

The following afternoon, a more restrained Scaramucci tweeted:

“Moving on. Top priority — Need to find new wife #Moochnew-wifehunt”

Now I’m wondering if I might be a bad person because I think I am experiencing schadenfreude, big time.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

BIG NEWS!

From today’s headlines:

“President Donald Trump on Monday, July 31, 2017, removed Anthony Scaramucci as the White House communications director after he had served in the role for 10 days.”

Did I call it or did I call it!

Here is what I wrote that Trump would include in his firing tweet:

I wish him well in his future endeavors.

Here’s the actual White House announcement:

“Anthony Scaramucci will be leaving his role as White House communications director,” White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement. “Mr. Scaramucci felt it was best to give chief of staff John Kelly a clean slate and the ability to build his own team. We wish him all the best.

So close. Man, those psychic energy pills I got at the flea market must really work after all.

I am so good! [This may sound a bit arrogant but you should have seen it before I removed the boldface, the italics and the additional four exclamation points.]

“Meanwhile, multiple outlets reported that Scaramucci was
escorted from White House grounds today after ouster.”

They escorted him out. Did anyone take pictures? Does it get any better than that?

Cock-Blocked Again!

The final insult:

President Ronald Reagan had a communications director who served for a near equally short amount of time. That communications director, John Koehler, resigned after it became public that he served in a Nazi youth organization when he was 10-years-old.

Holy crap, Scaramucci couldn’t even last longer in the job than an admitted former member of the Nazi Youth!

You can’t make this stuff up.

– David Grace (www.DavidGraceAuthor.com)

To see a searchable list of all David Grace’s columns in chronological order, CLICK HERE

To see a list of David Grace’s columns sorted by topic/subject matter, CLICK HERE.

To see all of my columns related to Donald Trump, CLICK HERE

Donald Trump Columns By David Grace

All my columns related to Donald Trump collected in one place.

DavidGrace

Written by

Graduate of Stanford University & U.C. Berkeley Law School. Author of 17 novels and over 200 Medium columns on Economics, Politics, Law, Humor & Satire.

Donald Trump Columns By David Grace

All my columns related to Donald Trump collected in one place.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade