Don’t Worry. My Genius Has Absolutely Been Stabilized.
Hello Everyone,
I know that in these trying times we all have concerns, but I want to assure you that I am a very stable genius, and, in fact, my stability is, on a daily basis, becoming even more stable.
I’m like the very top stability you can have in a genius. Smart.
I’m not like some of those other geniuses who are prone to megalomania, narcissism or petulant, ill-thought-out rants. That’s just not me.
No, like our President, I’m right up there at the very top of the stable genius pile. Those egghead scientists haven’t even invented a tool that can measure the stability of my genius nor the genius of my stability.
So, you see you were worrying about nothing. And anything you’ve heard to the contrary is just a pack of lies spread by weak, stupid people whose only motive is to tear me down in order to hide their massive failures and their own stupid weakness.
If you’re wondering how dumb they are, they are so stupid that they are unable to comprehend how smart I am. Wow, pathetic, right? I almost feel sorry for them.
Sad.
So, even though I do not have a big, red, nuclear button on the table next to my bed, between the gilded Tiffany lamp and the gold-framed picture of me, please be assured that if I did have such a button only a few feet away from my stubby, twitching fingers, I would never, ever, press it, click it, or mash it down with a thump of my meaty fist in a moment of petulant rage over how badly certain people (they know who they are) have treated me.
No, I never would do that no matter how many mean lies they might have told about me, unless, of course, they went entirely too far, in which case I might be forced, against my will, to press the button two or three times, but in a very controlled and thoughtful way, in order to prove to them that my button is many, many times bigger and more powerful than their button.
Do you hear what I’m saying, Rocket Man?
But, as I said, I would never do that, unless I absolutely had to.
So, my friends, you can sleep soundly tonight knowing that, like the man some call The Great White Dope, I can always be trusted to do the right thing. For me.
Your stable genius, signing out.
Really, really smart and strong and not mentally impaired at all.
— Dave
