The Brilliant Tactic I Used To Force The Dems To End The Shutdown — I Gave Up
The Imaginary Transcript Of A Fictitious Address To The American People By The President Of The United States.
By David Grace (www.DavidGraceAuthor.com)
My Fellow Americans:
As you know, wanting to bring this great country to its knees, the America-hating Democrats have plotted to flood the United States with Hispanic criminals, rapists, terrorists and banditos.
I, and all right-thinking Americans, especially the true, decent and patriotic Mitch McConnell and the other Republican members of Congress, have long planned to make Mexico fund the construction of a magnificent wall to foil the Dems’ nefarious strategy.
When the Mexicans selfishly and unexpectedly refused to pay for our wall, out of spite and hatred for America the Democrats blocked using American-taxpayer money for it as well.
Realizing that a country being invaded left and right by hordes of border jumpers isn’t worth much anyway, I and my Republican colleagues had no choice but to respond by closing the government until the Democrats saw reason and agreed to authorize the use of American-taxpayer money to fund the construction of this essential barrier.
Although the radical Democrats initially resisted our plan to save the country from the invading Brown Horde that has no idea about how to build tunnels that would pass under the wall, I am pleased to announce that after many heated and intense discussions requiring all of my amazing negotiating skills and massive business acumen, I have succeed in finally convincing the Democrats to agree to end this sad chapter in our nation’s history.
The brilliant tactic that I used to make this deal to end the shutdown I created was:
I gave up.
I folded like ten-year-old gas-station map, like an origami swan, like a tapped-out loser holding a pair of deuces, like a . . . . well you get the idea.
That’s how I did it. Surrender. So simple, but so amazing.
Who else could have come up with an incredible strategy like that?
Genius.
The deal that I so brilliantly negotiated is that
- the Republican members of Congress agreed to pass appropriations bills that would end the shutdown that I created and
- the Democrats agreed (1) not to give me a single penny to build the wall and (2) to have a meeting with some Republican legislators where both sides will talk about possibly doing something or other to improve border security.
This is a great victory for America, the Republican Party and for me personally.
I’m hopeful that in spite of the fact that the 35-day shutdown failed to force the Democrats to agree to give me any American-taxpayer money to build the won’t-be-tunneled-under wall, that now that I’ve given up, the Democrats will have a change of heart and quickly agree to appropriate $5.7 billion dollars to immediately begin construction.
To refuse to do that would just be mean, petty and wrong.
So, disaster averted. America’s back at work. Everybody’s happy.
I’m sure the Democrats will give me my wall money real soon now.
Winning.
President/Supreme Leader, Donald J. Trump
— David Grace (www.DavidGraceAuthor.com)
