How to make that resolution stick

Three of my daily posts from my 365 day #runstreak and the cake I bought myself the day I was done.

So it’s that time of the year again, that first month when rock hard determination and focus makes sales of gym memberships, nicotine chewing gum and weight loss supplements soar.

But way to often it only lasts a month or so, and then reality kicks in. You fall back into the rut and find yourself back in the same old habits and routines as last year, having “failed again” at changing into that “better self”.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this, especially since I have been equally good at making promises to myself that I have kept, as having make promises to myself that have completely crashed and burned. Some notable failures are; learning how to speak Spanish, doing yoga and journaling. Some past successes are to quit smoking/nicotine, lose weight, start training regularly, the motorbike license and some more. I also have experience from setting goals that don’t lead to long-time change, like “I’m going to do a runstreak for 30 days”. Ok did that, got the t-shirt, and then what?

I’ve had enough ups and downs to write a book about “how to keep promises to yourself”, but having failed to write that book a number of times, I’ll just keep it short, go through the basics and give you my favorite tips.

First the basics on making that resolution stick:

YOU have to want it, not anyone or everyone else. Way too often we make promises to ourselves that people or society have made for us, changes that others feel we should make. Sometimes they make a lot of sense, like having to stop smoking or having to lose weight for health reasons, but just because it’s important doesn’t make it easier to change if it doesn’t matter enough to YOU.

And you have to WANT it. It has to be important. If you don’t really want to change, then why even try? Spend some time with yourself reflecting on your core values, what do YOU actually WANT to change and….

That brings me to your WHY. Why do you want to make this change? for fun? for health? for someone else? If you don’t know WHY you really want to change something it’s really hard to stick to the promise when it gets hard. The old saying “When you feel like giving up, remember why you started” is oh so true. Because it will be hard, painful even. Changing a habit is really hard, especially if you are physically programmed to NOT change, like being addicted to nicotine, too much food, too little exercise etc. You have to realize that it’s going to hurt to break out of that comfortable mold you have made for yourself. Understand that your physical self will be affecting your mental self in ways you aren’t expecting, be prepared to mentally cope, and hanging on to that core WHY can make it bearable.

Finally the WHAT. What are you actually trying to achieve? If you say: “I’m going to run the Stockholm Marathon on June 4th” the question is what is you are actually trying to achieve? Get a medal? prove that you can survive a marathon? or is it to make running into a habit? if it’s the latter, then Stockholm Marathon isn’t the end goal, it’s just a check-point. “I want to make running into a habit by running three days a week in the morning before going to work, and I have a checkpoint to complete the Stockholm Marathon on June 4th in y minutes”. We do the same thing with losing weight “I want to lose 10kgs”. Ok and? So you lose 10kgs, easy peasy, and then what? Wait for your body to gain 10kgs so you can start all over again next year? Compare that to “I want to reach my target weight of x kg and then stay there” which is a whole different “what”.

Take my runstreak for instance. It started as fun thing to run 30 days in a row, which turned into 100 days in a row which in the end became a challenge to run 365 days in a row, which I did. On January 9th 2019 I had run every day for one full year, and then I was done. But then I quit, and I haven’t run since. Because my WHAT wasn’t to start running and enjoy it, it was ONLY to get through that runstreak and be done with it. So as a personal challenge it worked but as a “start running” resolution it was a total fail.

Understand WHY YOU WANT WHAT.

Having done the reflection on why you want what, it’s time to get cracking. And yes, there are many articles out there on how to change a habit and see those new year resolutions through, but for me, these three tips, are the best.

Donnie’s three P’s for change:

1. Plan. And with that I primarily mean WHEN you are going to do something. So instead of just saying “I’m going to go to the gym three times a week” or “I am going to learn Spanish”, you add WHEN you are going to go to the gym, and WHEN you are going to practice Spanish, and then you make time for those activities in your calendar. Don’t forget that MOTIVATION CREATES ACTION, DISCIPLINE CREATES HABITS.
2. Partner up. Surround yourself with people that will help you achieve your goal. Find someone that is going through the same change and partner up. It makes everything so much easier if you are at least two helping and spurring each other along. And one of the best ways of helping yourself, is actually helping others! So partner up, set the goal, make the plan and then pull and push each to success. NB — very important — If you are living with someone, make sure they respect your decision to want to change and not sit and say stupid things like “are you really going to eat that?” or “are you sure you don’t want a cigarette?” when you are having a hard enough time as it is. Be open with WHY this is important for YOU and ask them to support you. Or even better, ask them to join you, partner up!
3. Play. Make it fun. The journey has to be worth it as well. Whatever you do, don’t make it a sacrifice. If you go around feeling that you are constantly punishing yourself and doing something that you really don’t want to do, then you’re headed for another failed attempt, or, when you get there, you bounce straight back to where you were before. Coming back to my 365 day runstreak — I had this idea that if I only ran often enough I would became good at it, which would one day lead me to start enjoying it. But I hate running, I really do. So to make it bearable I started posting a stupid one-liner about running every day, for a full year, on Instagram. That made it fun and something I actually looked forward to every day. Not the running, but writing and posting a joke :-)

Most resolutions are about delayed rewards, about something good that will happen at the end of the rainbow, which means they will take time to accomplish. So make sure to have fun getting there, make the journey the goal. Otherwise you are targeting the wrong thing altogether and risk having to come back to read this all over again next year.