Weekly Musing #21 The Comfort Paradox

The Comfort Paradox: We avoid struggles, yet desire the rewards that come with them.

This week’s musing is based on a LinkedIn post that I commented on by Martin Ödman , here is the original post, in Swedish, where he reflects over a discussion he had with a friend regarding taking on challenges, or not, and that sometimes moving up in the hierarchy isn’t the only way to change position for the better. (something I have done a couple of times with very good results for both me and the organization.)

For this musing however I am focusing on our longing for the reward at the end of the rainbow yet our unwillingness to take on the challenge of getting there.

We all want a comfortable life. A stable job, a cozy home, and a life devoid of too much struggle or drama. In fact, our entire lives are often oriented around this simple goal: to make things easier for ourselves, both in our personal and professional lives.

But just like comfort never got any books written, status quo isn’t fertile ground for good stories.

And when it comes to learning and developing as a person, you can’t really do that without stepping out of your comfort zone and into your learning zone, that place where you don’t know everything and need to struggle to keep up.

So yes, there is irony here; while we yearn for simplicity and the laid back, we also want a narrative — a story where we are the hero, complete with villains to defeat, mountains to climb, and lessons to learn.
But, are we willing to step out of our comfort zones to make that story happen?

In my opinion, and as I commented on Martin’s post; I think most people want the reward, the diploma, the exam and of course all of the stories to tell. But not all are prepared to put in the work to get there. While others don’t really care about the reward at all, but are more focused on the struggle itself, the journey so to speak.

With the old saying “it’s not the goal, it’s the journey” we’re kind of touching upon the same thing, but wouldn’t most people simply just get where they want to go without traveling?

I travel a lot, and I must say that I do enjoy getting there, but in some sense, I feel better while I am getting there than when I finally get there. And even better if something unexpected happens along the way, something to overcome. This sense of taking things in stride I know comes from my parents and grandparents, my grandmother always just shrugged and said “oh well, just another adventure” and then got on with it, whatever it was that had happened, and that has stuck with me for all my life.
And when you sit down and think about it, which stories do you remember the most? Is it the mundane day where everything went as planned? Or is it the day when you faced challenges head-on, maybe even failed miserably but learned a lesson as well, one you’ll carry with you for the rest of your life?

They say that it’s in the struggles that our characters are formed. It’s in the challenges that we find our greatest learnings. Yet, we often avoid these opportunities for growth because they come packaged in discomfort, risk, or hard work.

We want the story, but we don’t want the plot twists that make the story worth telling.

So, to do with this paradox? The easy answer is, there’s no easy answer.
You know that you have to be willing to embrace discomfort if you want the rewards that come from facing challenges. You know that you have to be willing to step out into the unknown if you want the satisfaction of venturing into new territory.

Maybe it’s time we redefine what comfort means to us. Maybe comfort shouldn’t be about avoiding difficulties but should be about having the courage to face them. Because when you willingly accept the challenge, the story you’re able to tell is infinitely more interesting.

Personally I am more about the challenge than the reward, I can even often find myself in something psychologist call “post-project depression”, feeling empty and meaningless without a project or cause to focus on.

(That could be a good subject for a coming musing, post-project depression and how to get out of it).

Getting back to our paradox — imagine a life where you’ve eradicated all challenges — you have all the money you will ever need, you never need to work or struggle another day in your life, for anything, for ever. That might sound heavenly at first, but then think of how quickly you’d find it monotonous, lacking texture and depth. No wonder the rich and wealthy are always looking for new crazy ways of filling their otherwise meaningless lives with new kicks or experiences.

Now imagine the opposite, a life where every day presents a new challenge. And I don’t mean a day with everything, every time, everywhere being a challenge, I just mean something that you need to step up to or solve on a daily basis.

That might sound exhausting but could also be exhilarating. It’s a life filled with stories to tell, lessons to learn, and experiences to savor.

In a perfect world we find a balance between comfort and challenge, they both have their roles to play. Comfort gives us the energy to take on new challenges, while challenges make the comfort more rewarding.

Comfort is easy. Growth is hard. But in the end, what will make your life richer?

We need to find comfort in discomfort, ease in challenge, and simplicity in complexity. That way, our lives will not only be easier but also filled with stories worth telling and lessons worth learning.

So, what challenges and difficulties are you taking on today? What stories are you writing for yourself?