Other Movies Hillary Clinton Is Using As Excuses

In the Second Presidential Debate, Hillary Clinton was asked about her need to have a public and a private position. Here’s how she responded:

“As I recall, that was something I said about Abraham Lincoln after having seen the wonderful Steven Spielberg movie called “Lincoln.” It was a master class watching President Lincoln get the Congress to approve the 13th Amendment. It was principled, and it was strategic.”

That move worked out so well for her, that she’s now started to use other movies to explain other situations.

The Private Email Server

“As I recall, I was watching an incredible film about the dangers of storing emails on public servers, starring Sandra Bullock. It’s called The Net, and it’s really great, you should check it out. Anyways, her identity gets stolen and the whole thing sort of proves that it’s a lot safer to store your emails on a private server.”

Clinton Foundation

“I had just seen Brewster’s Millions, the one with Richard Pryor and John Candy. In the movie, in order to collect a large inheritance, Brewster has to spend $30 million in 30 days with nothing to show for it. And I really think that guided a lot of our foundation’s thinking.”

Benghazi

“This one’s an easy one. I was watching 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi. You know who’s in that? Jim from The Office! I know, I just think him and Pam were the best TV couple. And that other fellow with the beets! I’m sorry what was the question?”

Why Her Likability Numbers Are So Low

“You know who’s unlikable? Edward Norton’s character in American History X. With that giant swastika on his chest. You know before that I didn’t even know what curb-stomping was! Okay, that’s not true, but you get the idea. And I don’t even have any swastika tattoos!”

That She’s A Woman

“Boy this is still a problem for the voters, huh? Would it help if I said that I’m really a man wearing women’s clothes? I could say I got the idea from Mrs. Doubtfire. I mean the other ones I understand, but this, fuck, I don’t know.”