Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Make it easier with this new title from Dover
Breaking up: it’s the worst. Maybe you initiated the breakup or maybe the other party did, but the result is the same: you are alone and you weren’t expecting to feel this terrible. It feels the end of the world.
But it’s not! In fact, it’s a blessing in disguise according to author, counselor, and coach Samantha Burns.
Samantha’s new book from Dover’s Ixia Press, Breaking up and Bouncing Back: Moving on to Create the Love Life You Deserve will provide you the support you need to come back stronger than before.
For starters, you need to understand that there’s nothing wrong with your feelings. The horrible sensation of free-fall and the associated mourning you experience during a break-up are physiological in nature as well as emotional. According to Samantha, the miserable and negative feelings have little to do with losing who you thought was your perfect match and more to do with neuroscience!
Love is indeed the drug, releasing dopamine into the pleasure centers of your brain. When love goes away, you go into withdrawal. It’s not your fault that your thoughts race and you think of mad schemes to try and get back together. Remember: the time right after a break up is waaaay too soon to try and become pals: “You can’t go overnight from lovers to friends,” explains Samantha. This is only one of the great pieces of advice from Samantha, advice that will keep you from tearing open wounds before they have time to heal.
Samantha’s kind, thoughtful, and ultimately practical book takes you through a series of exercises designed to help find inner strength. You’ll create a directed Bounce Back Journal, a place where you can work through specific strategies to help come to terms with your loss, and begin to reframe your breakup pain into wisdom gained.
Beware: your suffering brain can still lead you into some serious crazy: stalking, post-break up hook-ups with your ex, alcoholic binges, etc. So that’s why you need to do the work. Samantha’s intensive program includes plans for getting you through those crucial first 90 days, the three-month period when it’s imperative you set (and respect) borders and boundaries that will give you time to heal. “You need time and space for the lust to burn itself out,” she explains.
And social media makes everything worse. Long, long ago, there was no Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, and no pictures of your ex having fun with mutual friends or out on a date with someone new popping up in your feed and ruining your day. Staying away from the electronic platforms is also part of Samantha’s plan.
One of the great gifts of this book is Samantha’s wisdom about coming to understand your ex more holistically as you gain perspective. Your will find balance and compassion — and maybe even be able to see that the breakup benefited him or her the same way it will benefit you. Staying with the wrong person is soul-crushing, sooner or later.
“I dream of a world,” says Samantha, “where breakups don’t have to be the end, but are actually the beginning of the best love to come.”
And you need a little expert help getting through a bad break-up, you can also visit Samantha’s website, LoveSuccessfully.com.
Whatever path you take, remember that you are a human capable of love. We’re all pulling for you. Read Breaking Up and Bouncing Back to get the care and support you deserve.