How I juggle parenthood at a fast-growing startup

By Ed Hatrick-Smith — Engineering Manager.

As a parent, starting a new job is a daunting prospect. There’s inherently a greater level of risk when you have kids dependent on you. The insecurity of probation periods, lifestyle disruption, pressure to perform, and inflexible working conditions are the obvious ones.

These fears were certainly true for me before starting at Dovetail. Superficially, Dovetail shares similar traits to many successful start-ups: fast-moving, office-first, young, ambitious, light on processes, and packed with social events. This wasn’t suggestive of an environment that comfortably supports a working parent’s complex needs.

Under the surface, however, Dovetail sets itself apart from many start-ups by being an easy workplace for parents to integrate with their family lives. In this article, I’d like to share my insights on joining Dovetail as a parent. I’ll also highlight some of the challenges that I and other parents face, because “understanding is the beginning of wisdom” — Socrates.

Is Dovetail suitable for parents?

Regardless of industry, I think it’s safe to say we want to feel supported by our workplace, giving us the confidence to carry out our best work. As an engineering manager, perhaps it goes without saying that I also tend to gravitate toward companies that are solving complex challenges, invest in their engineering teams, and hire smart people to get it done.

People management and operations

During the interview process, I spoke to lots of Dovetailers from different functions about their perspectives. Everyone came across as being honest and open, sharing their thoughts freely. This, along with speaking to other people managers, gave me the confidence that I would be supported as an employee and also as a parent.

After I started, I was surprised by the level of people management, which is quite robust for a start-up that’s only been around since 2017. There are policies and support systems in place, like EAP and mental health access. I also noticed the value of work/life balance from the top down. The quality expectation is high at Dovetail, but you’re free to get your work done your way, which is great — and even necessary for parents.

Flexible and understanding culture

Coming into Dovetail, I was worried that being a parent and consequently leaving early, or arriving late, might come across as not being committed to the team or business. I was also concerned that my absence from many casual and organized social activities would mean I’d miss out on team bonding.

Arguably, one of the biggest contributors to my mental wellness at work is the general flexibility we’re granted. While Dovetail has an in-office culture (which I love), we still have significant flexibility to manage our own time and needs. At no point have I felt a sense of concern or frustration at my needing to put my family first. I’ve received considerable understanding and support when going through difficult parental challenges.

Additionally, life at Dovetail is so packed with spontaneous or planned social events, that I’ve never felt like I’m missing out or not connecting with people. There’s no pressure; participate in a way that works for you.

The quiet challenges of parenthood

It’s no secret that being a parent is hard. What’s often missed by non-parents though is the day-to-day impact or general trauma that parents may be dealing with.

I, for example, have children that have trouble sleeping. Our daughters Matilda (3.5) and Eloise (1) have consistently been extremely challenging to get to sleep. On any night, my partner and I will likely be woken multiple times. Some days are worse than others and that impacts my work. I also tend to be the parent who gets up when they wake in the morning, typically between 5:00 and 6:00 am. I’ve lived in a perpetual state of sleep deprivation since Matilda was born.

After a full day of work at the office, being a parent means you come home to more work. This time, it comes in the form of entertaining, feeding, bathing, and putting to sleep our girls, which can take until 7:00 or 8:00 pm. When you factor in a bit of tidying up, that means we have maybe an hour or so for ourselves as parents. Every day, including weekends.

That’s all manageable until someone gets sick. Once a cold, flu, or worse, finds its way into your home, then you’re in for a world of hurt. Daycare and schools are direct vectors for viruses to spread to your family and sick kids are challenging, to say the least. They don’t sleep well, they’re difficult to manage, and this can be extremely draining. This takes a serious toll on parents, who are often sick themselves and trying to manage work.

My intent here isn’t to make parenthood sounds nightmarish. It’s anything but (most of the time). For me, there’s value in understanding that parents typically don’t discuss the challenges or general exhaustion they face. That’s their daily life.

Better social support for working parents

Australia does a good job of supporting parents, but there’s significant room for improvement. While the medical services we received through the births of our kids were nothing short of extraordinary, parental leave policies have a way to go. The Australian Government provides Parental Leave Pay (PLP for working parents at the national minimum wage for a maximum of 18 weeks. Conversely, progressive European countries average from around 30 — 58 weeks. I can make the obvious comparison that these parts of the world experience happier, healthier citizens across the board. While upwards of 50 weeks might be an aspirational target, if we want our children to get the best start in life, it’s widely thought that the minimum should be at least 26 weeks.

Some proven benefits of paid leave for new parents include lower infant mortality rates, health, and economic benefits — especially for the mothers, reduced attrition rates meaning higher productivity, and increased child bonding and development, amongst others. This is backed by early childhood developmental psychologist L.W. Hoffman, who warns that the stress of employment after becoming a parent can result in fewer and lower-quality interactions with children, putting healthy child development at risk.

While policymakers across the globe are slowly making changes, the bulk of paternity leave is still significantly lower than maternity leave, only two weeks. This directly contributes to gender inequality, often forcing mothers to sacrifice their careers for a longer period. This also means fathers have less opportunity to bond with their children. One 1991 study found that infants attained higher cognitive scores at age one if they had an active father figure involved in their lives when they were one month old.

Paid paternity leave is uncommon, now only available in only 43 countries worldwide compared to maternity leave, which is mandated in 115 countries. I believe policies like these enforce a cultural stigma around men taking equal or extended paternal leave. I worked to confront my views when Matilda and Eloise were born. Rather than assuming my partner would be the one to put her career on hold, we worked hard to find balance and avoid typical gender roles as parents. We seek balance in all household chores and parenting. Despite this, we still ultimately failed in finding this balance in regards to parental leave. It’s not fair for mothers to be consistently putting their careers on hold if that’s not what they choose. As a society, we can do better.

Dovetail leading the industry with parental support

Many private companies are leading the way with more equitable parental leave policies. I’m proud of Dovetail’s Parental Leave policy which is highly progressive, even by Australian standards. It includes:

• Twenty (20) weeks paid at your normal rate of pay plus superannuation benefits.
• Equity continues to vest for the duration of paid leave (20 weeks).
• This leave can be taken at any time within 18 months of birth, adoption, or placement, and can be taken flexibly (e.g. 10 weeks, in the beginning, 10 weeks later).
• Special parental leave in cases of stillbirth or other traumatic occurrences.
• Miscarriage and adoption leave.
• Amongst others…

Compared to Australia’s Fair Work Ombudsman’s best practice guide which noticeably lacks things like paid periods beyond two weeks or miscarriage and/or traumatic occurrence leave altogether, Dovetail’s support for new parents is a welcome shift. Not only does this kind of support help families like mine, but I believe it also contributes to moving the needle around equality for every type of parent.

You don’t need to sacrifice security to join a start-up

By prioritizing the culture, well-being, and the experience of its people, Dovetail creates an environment where parents, and all team members, can thrive.

If you’re a parent and have concerns about joining a start-up, then hopefully this article gives you some insight into what to look for from an employer. Or better yet, come and work with us at Dovetail.