Prioritizing Yourself

“Make sure you are taking care of yourself, first.”

You have likely heard this phrase or something similar lately. But with the uncertainty of our current global situation, our constant concerns about our loved ones and the suddenly very blurred lines between work and home life, a reminder to focus on ourselves may sound absurd or even insensitive.

How on earth should you find time to focus on yourself when your one-year-old is throwing his dinner, the dishes are piling up in the sink, you’re waiting to hear from a loved one who had a Covid-19 test and you still need to answer the emails that piled up while you were on video call after video call? (Yes, I may be speaking from experience here…)

The irony, though, is that in all this madness, many of us are having to step up as leaders in our families, our work and our communities like never before. That responsibility, at a time that is so emotionally taxing, is not any easy thing to manage.

So, despite how contrary it seems, weathering these very difficult moments with as much grace and sanity as possible relies on you having invested in yourself. You need strong fortitude and a ton of energy — both of which do not always come organically, nor are they unlimited resources. You need to take the time to cultivate and continuously replenish both.

I appreciate this is not something that is easy to tackle, especially in the current circumstances.

For most of my life, I believed that the more I took on at work and in my personal life, the more I would excel as a result. And despite warnings from my mentors, family and friends, I would work crazy hours and exhaust myself, thinking I would focus on myself “when I had time.”

After a few months of feeling particularly out of control and overwhelmed, though, I realized that I was completely wrong — I needed to take prioritizing myself more seriously.

So I decided to figure out what I needed to keep me, me.

It took a bit of trial and error, but I here are a few of the things I have found success with:

1. Find one thing that you can do every day that makes you feel more grounded, more energized, more you. This can be something as simple as watching a movie, going for a walk, playing the piano, etc. It can be one activity, or even multiple small activities.

For me, I find I am my best self when I can read, meditate and workout each day. I don’t need to do all of them — I can get by with two or even one on a crazier day. But I have realized that if I take the time, I am a better me. I feel more in control, more balanced — and ready to give when others need me.

2. Figure out how much time you need and then prioritize it. Your “thing,” doesn’t have to take a long time. In fact, it is best if it is something that you could do even in a time crunch to ensure you will be able to make it a habit. If you need to schedule it, at least in the beginning, do it.

I find that balancing work with taking care of my one-year-old can make it nearly impossible to find time for reading, meditating and working out on the fly each day. So, I tend to schedule meditating in my calendar during the workday, working out after work (sometimes alternating days with my husband so he also has time for himself!), and reading before going to sleep. On the difficult days, I am kind to myself and reset my expectations, instead simply looking to read for five minutes before bed or meditate for five minutes in between meetings.

3. If you find yourself fraying, and it seems your “go-tos” are not enough to replenish your energy, you may need a reset. In this situation, you likely haven’t prioritized yourself enough and so you need something a bit more drastic to build that fortitude and energy back up.

I now recognize that when my three activities aren’t working, I need to take at least one day off from work — usually a long weekend. Even though it doesn’t eliminate the stresses and strains of parenting and quarantine, it gives me enough space to prioritize myself and be a better me when I return to work.