Dear Manny The Mansplainer — should I tell my child about white privilege?

Simon Black
Mar 12, 2019 · 2 min read
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Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

Dear Manny,

Should I tell my child that he should be depressed about his white privilege, or should I let him continue feeling the joy of being a child?

My child is about to enter kindergarten here in San Francisco. I have heard that he will be taught that he is a horrible person who possesses white privilege, toxic masculinity, genocidal ancestors, and whose parents are heartless capitalists and therefore his lunch money should be taken from him and paid as reparation to the black students. I guess they also teach kids that the police are murderers who should be spat at.

I know white people are awful, but does telling my white son this at age 5 rob him of his joy?

Worried in SF

Dear Worried in SF,

Only a fool would let their child set foot in a public school. School teachers are idiotic socialists whose unions have ruined their institutions. Here in Idaho we home school.

What I’d love you to do is send your son up here for a summer. I’ll teach him to shoot a mother bear in the head, and if he cries about her orphaned cubs I’ll slap him in the face.

In Idaho we know that Jesus was a white man with a miraculously Northern European complexion despite living in the hot sun of the Middle East.

We also teach him that the male is the head of the household, little lady. And that women should obey him.

(Unfortunately, I’m on a registered sex offender list so I can’t come within a hundred yards of any child, so don’t actually send your son up here.)

But seriously, your only hope is Fox News, I’m afraid. Keep in on 24-seven and hope for the best.

Yours,

Manny

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Simon Black

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This is not the Simon Black that you know. This is a different Simon Black. He does not work in your organization or live in your city.

Down in the Dingle

Down in the Dingle is a place for satirical pieces of all kinds, listicles, news, fiction, non-fiction, essay, personal essay, song, etymology, quiz, contest, book review, movie trailer, apology, poem, bad poem, six word novel, simulation, love, truth.

Simon Black

Written by

This is not the Simon Black that you know. This is a different Simon Black. He does not work in your organization or live in your city.

Down in the Dingle

Down in the Dingle is a place for satirical pieces of all kinds, listicles, news, fiction, non-fiction, essay, personal essay, song, etymology, quiz, contest, book review, movie trailer, apology, poem, bad poem, six word novel, simulation, love, truth.

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