Driverless Car Awarded Ten Points
In a secret competition that AI-driven robot cars have started amongst themselves, the car that struck and killed a pedestrian in Arizona was only awarded ten points because, as a robot-driven Prius commented yesterday, “It was an old person, which is minus five points, but the driverless car gets a five points bonus because it was a fatality. The total is ten.”
“If it had been a child,” said a self-driving Tesla, “then that would have been twenty points.”
Uber denied that its robo drivers have engaged in any sort of kill-the-humans competition, but did remark that sometimes humans themselves make comments like this while driving.
“It’s possible the robo-cars are joking about running over pedestrians,” said UBER spokeperson Rajnessh Asharian. “After all, nobody likes pedestrians. Why aren’t they taking an Uber car, for example, instead of trodding ape-like from place to place?”
Some have disputed that robots or automated driving systems have a sense of humor. “It hasn’t been cracked yet,” said AI specialist Fukiyama Okasi, in Silicon Valley, California. “First of all, the sense of humor of a lot of the guys around here who do programming, well, frankly it’s dumb. And that kind of bleeds into the machine world.”
“Robots are not funny,” remarked alarmist Fred Dawson. “Neither is getting killed in a car accident. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I wouldn’t have given ten points,” said a robo-Chevrolet Fusion. “Doesn’t he get a ten point bonus for being first?”
As this article was being printed out, the authors were researching whether robots indeed get ten points for being the first self-driving car to kill a human.
