Farms Worse than Factories for Environment — Where’s the Outrage?

This week it came out that farms are worse than factories — for the environment, that is. The four major food producing firms produce more greenhouse gas than all factories combined.

Shove that in your Prius and smoke it, Granola-breath.

Where are the pitchforks? One would think we’d have an angry mob organized by now, heading over to that guy’s house, you know, the one with the pitchfork in fact, in the Norman Rockwell painting. We should string him up.

So this whole bucolic get-back-to-nature line of crap we’ve been fed was just that — a line of crap. Farms are evil! I’m pissed. Why aren’t you?

Oh, and while I’m at it. What about this? Turns out fat is actually good for your health. Not bad for you like those farmers have been telling us for forty years.

So can I have those forty years of not eating deep fried Twinkies back? No. I’m never going to have those years back. And I’ve wasted them on Kale when I could have been eating sticks of butter dipped in other butter.

Where’s the fucking outrage people?

We have been lied to.

By farmers. It was the farmers and their big fields of grain that convinced us about this wonky food pyramid where Corn Flakes are on the foundation and sticks of butter are the tiny tip.

This is so wrong.

I hate farmers. I hate hippies. I hate that faction on Divergent, did you see it, they were called Amity. They were farmers. They wore bright colors. They were like Dead Heads. That was an awesome movie. I would rather be Factionless than Amity.

But I digress.

I’m outraged.

Oh and you did know those farmers who all vote anti-welfare and anti-Big Government and pro-Trump are the biggest recipients of welfare from the Big Government, right?

Those farmers put that idiot in office, stole the Twinkie from my mouth, and melted the fucking polar ice caps.

Fucking farmers.

(Oh yeah, and they were my ancestors, from both my father, mother, father in law and mother in law’s side. The whole fucking bunch of em, I just did my Ancestry.com. Shock. Do you know what they all were? Fucking farmers.)

I hate myself.

Good night.