I’m not kidding. I know this is a satire blog. And I’m usually making fun of something. But not this time.
MacKenzie, I love you.
First of all, I love MacKenzie as a first name. Did you know I used to have a crush on MacKenzie Phillips?
Did you know she slept with her own Dad?
Well, MacKenzie, after we’re married we can be sad together, about things like that. And it’s not about the 80 some billion dollars you’re gonna get in the divorce with Jeff.
It’s not about the money.
It’s about you MacKenzie.
You’re totally cute. And you’re a novelist. I’m a novelist, did you know that? Please read my first two novels that were published in the 1990s. Here’s a link. It’s on this book web site called Amazon. Do you know it? It’s a great site, started by a great man who had a great wife who believed in him. Do you believe in me?
If you like my books, maybe you will marry me.
There is one slight problem. I am already married. And I love my wife. And I have two kids. And I hate Seattle. I mean, really. Seattle. You have a zillion dollars and you choose to live in ….Seattle? Rain. Rain. And that skinny coach of the Seahawks. What’s his name? He’s a skinny little guy. I don’t like skinny people. Do you?
I’m not skinny.
I don’t think you’re skinny either.
So apart from these two problems, me already being married, and Seattle, I don’t see any other issues. I’ve bought you a ring. I’m going to get down on one knee and ask you now.
Will you marry me?
I don’t want a prenup. I think we should share everything fifty fifty.
You’re awesome. I can’t wait to get divorced from my wife whom I love and marry you, whom I’ve never met, but also love.
I love you MacKenzie. Do you love me?