Midsommar Is A Rip-Off

By The Emperor Is Naked

Simon Black
Jul 20 · 2 min read
Movie Critic “The Emperor is Naked” photographed by Unsplash

Am I the only person who is going to say it out loud? The Emporer is wearing no clothes — again!

Now, maybe you didn’t know this, but Hollywood is run by a bunch of nincompoops who only care about one thing — money.

A little while ago, a movie called Get Out made them a bunch of dosh and got a lot of critical praise, so now, guess what? Hollywood is planning at least one hundred Get Out-inspired rip-offs. I kid you not. I have spoken to a distributor who knows these things. One hundred versions of the same formula!

That’s right, folks, if you go to the movies, get ready to experience exactly this, time after time, until you puke your guts out: a young attractive couple go to a strange place — in other words, they are a fish out of water. This strange place is filled with very weird people — either in a cult or part of some evil conspiracy. And slowly people start dying off and it gets creepier and creepier until our hero has to destroy the “cult” in order to survive.

While waiting for the latest iteration of this movie to begin — a picturesque trip to Sweden called Midsommar — I was stunned to see in the coming attractions that they actually advertised another version of this plot, this time called Hide and Seek. Seems a woman takes a man home to meet her parents and they play a deadly game of hide and seek.

Does it sound familiar?

It is.

Can I tell you again, the Emporer is wearing no clothes. Hollywood sucks. It is dying, being replaced by television. The only thing saving it is comic book movies, which also suck ass.

I will say, Midsommar has about the best orgy scene in the history of cinema. Nevertheless, because of its patent plagiarism, I give it five thumbs down. Wait for the Netflix version, fast forward till about 4/5ths of the way through, and you get to see this Seth Rogen Junior guy have sex with like thirty women at the same time.

Wow.

Oh, and to make it seem trendy, they take a lot of hallucinogens. Did you know what happens when you take hallucinogens? According to the film-makers, things go in and out of focus and inanimate objects seem to breathe and swell. And you get a dumb look on your face.

14 bucks for that? I think not.

At least you can buy beer at the movies nowadays and numb yourself to the hateful idiocy of it all.

Down in the Dingle

Down in the Dingle is a place for satirical pieces of all kinds, listicles, news, fiction, non-fiction, essay, personal essay, song, etymology, quiz, contest, book review, movie trailer, apology, poem, bad poem, six word novel, simulation, love, truth.

Simon Black

Written by

Editor of Downinthedingle.com and author of Me and Kev and The Book of Frank, also The Dog Child and also Crack the Essay, Secrets of Argumentative Writing

Down in the Dingle

Down in the Dingle is a place for satirical pieces of all kinds, listicles, news, fiction, non-fiction, essay, personal essay, song, etymology, quiz, contest, book review, movie trailer, apology, poem, bad poem, six word novel, simulation, love, truth.

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