Pole Vaulter Detained for Two Weeks After Accidentally Pole Vaulting From Canada Across the Border into US
“I never dreamed I could pole vault that far,” said French Pole Vaulter Justine Cercara. She was practicing pole vaulting in Vancouver, Canada, when, as she puts it, “I really corked one.”
Ms. Cercara vaulted herself miles into the air, in a southern direction, and soon found herself flying across the border into the state of Washington, where she landed in a blackberry bush.
“I didn’t have my passport, or my ID,” she explained. “I dusted myself off, stood up, and I saw some police approaching me. They said they had the whole thing on camera, and accused me of being some kind of an illegal immigrant. But really, I was just practicing pole vaulting.”
Ms. Cercara was eventually taken to a detention center in Spokane.
“They confiscated my pole,” she said. “I don’t know if they are ever going to give it back.”
Finally, Ms. Cercara’s mother drove down to Washington to pick her daughter up.
“She’s an innocent pole vaulter,” said Janette Ceracara. “She doesn’t even like America. We’re French, you know. Why would she intentionally try to sneak into your horrible country? The food there is inedible. It is all low fat yogurt and fat free milk and it all tastes horrible and still you are all fat.”
Well. What about World War II, Mrs. Cercara? Didn’t the United States save your asses from Hitler?
In the meantime, Lance Armstrong has been trying to contact the Cercara family because, isn’t it obvious, she must have been doing some serious steroids.
“I want whatever she’s on,” said Armstrong.
But Ms. Cercara denies blood doping.
“I use creative visualization,” she said. “And positive thinking.”
Sure you do. Try using “positive thinking” against the Krauts next time they overrun your country. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to get back to our skim milk.
