Sex in the Age of Consent
It’s been tough on a bunny, I’ll tell you that. My average afternoon, back in the good old days, I’d mate with seventy or eighty different females in the forest.
Now, I have to ask permission to nibble their ears or lick their paws.
Plus, there’s all this new emphasis on the pleasure of the female.
That’s fine, but it takes time, people. And it’s tiring. In the old days, I would hop on, hop off, and the whole thing was done in about ten seconds.
Nowadays, I usually pack it in after about four females and shuffle home with an aching jaw.
Consent is a good thing, don’t get me wrong.
The future is female. I love my 197 daughters as much as I love my 238 sons. And my 17 non-binary bunnies. I love all my children.
But I just don’t find it so erotic, “Do I have permission to lick your fur?”
Suddenly this mating ritual, which bunnies have been performing without question since the beginning of time, seems a little absurd, when you have to say it out loud.
“Do I have your consent chase you around, corner you, and then leap straight in the air, signaling the end of my mating dance? And now that you’ve leaped straight in the air also, does that signify that you consent to me climbing on your back and railing you?”
See what I mean? It’s just not sexy.
It’s not easy to change, but I’m willing to try. If I have to ask those questions every step of the way, I’ll do it.
Now, with regard to the requisite soul searching and apologizing. This was not easy. I dug up my old little black book. It wasn’t that little, if I’m honest. I found contact information for more than 45,000 female rabbits that I have known over the years. Sad to say more than half of them had already been turned into rabbit stew, fur coats or coyote food. But I was able to contact about 20,000 females and express my remorse.
That was a lot of emails, text messages and phone calls, let me tell you. But I have to admit, I felt better after making amends.
Sure, I like to give the SJWs a little pushback every now and then. You know this if you’ve read my blogs, but don’t get mad at me, feminists. I’m doing my best to comply with the new status quo.
Remember, I’m a cuddly bunny!
You still love me, don’t you?
