Waiters Can No Longer Afford to Live in San Francisco — Restaurants Serving them to Customers

Photo by Lefteris kallergis on Unsplash

Happy, well-off customers of San Francisco restaurants have been surprised by a real treat lately — waiters on the menu instead of on the job.

“I’d never tried human before,” said tech worker Leslie Brinmore. “It was like chicken. But a little chewier.”

Since they can’t afford to live in San Francisco, a lot of waiters have offered themselves up to to chefs and restaurant owners as food.

“It’s either that or move,” said restauranteur Fabulous Fabiolosa. “And everyone knows moving is a pain. Also, after you’ve lived in this great city by the bay, any other place you live is going to suck. So most waiters just decide to be cooked.”

When reached by the Dingle for comment, the San Francisco Department of Health advised against eating waiters.

“A lot of them are drug addicts and sexually permissive,” said an anonymous official. “You’d be better off eating almost any other occupation.”

But restaurant owner Johnny Swift disagreed. “Waiters are a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled.”

You can sample human flesh at his restaurant, Modest Proposal, in the Wharf Disctrict.