Who’s afraid of the disco disease?

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash (altered by author)

To the Editor:

I read your article about the new policy encouraging us to use condoms and I have to say, I’m outraged. How dare they tell me to put a piece of plastic on my penis? If I want to die from a bathhouse orgy, that’s my business. Spreading your seed indiscriminately, without regard for the health or safety of your partner, is one of the great joys of sex.

It’s also a holy act, part of God’s plan to spread pregnancy and disease throughout the world. This is America, not Saudi Arabia. Sex isn’t limited to men and women who no longer love each other. God created discos for a reason and it wasn’t the music. Let’s get it on.

Signed,

A Patriot