The Dark Side of the Game
Kid Cudi’s album, Man on the Moon defined my teenage years. Here was a rapper that didn’t sound anything like Lil Wayne or 50 Cent. He told stories, he talked about loneliness, about not being understood. One specific song, “Soundtrack 2 my life” was a song a 14-year-old Saúl needed to hear. Kid Cudi’s work began to shift the wave of “hard” rap that defined the 2000's. He started to talk about topics such as mental health, suicide, and fame in ways no rapper was talking about in 2009.
Along with his music, I love his mission statement. In an interview with Arsenio Hall he says that rap needs to kill the “money, [and]ho’s thing”. In that interview he also mentions that all he wants is to “make kids not feel alone and stop kids from committing suicide”. It’s a message that I did not hear until recently with Logic’s “1800 song” that became a hit in 2017.
As soon as the song starts , Kid Cudi flips a famous line from a Jay-Z song that says, “If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain’t one”. Cudi, on the other hand raps, “I got 99 problems and they all bitches, I wish I was Jigga Man, carefree living”. From the start, Cudi is steering away from the “player” lifestyle that rappers boast in their songs. Cudi doesn’t get the girls, he’s not the suave rapper that is enjoying fame. He wants to be like these “carefree” rappers, but he has problems that haunt him, this is where the chorus steps in.
In the hook, Kid Cudi doesn’t hide his troubles. He says upfront, “I’ve got some issues that nobody can see, and all of these emotions are pouring out of me, I bring them to the light for you, It’s only right, This is the soundtrack to my life, the soundtrack to my life”. Here is talking about mental health issues, these invisible issues are his anxiety and depression. He says that, “It’s only right” because he doesn’t want to lie anymore. His life, or soundtrack, is one that isn’t all gold and glitters. It is littered with problems that have affected his whole life, and this includes his rapping, which is an extension of who he is. He unites his artistic persona with his own insecurities.
Later in the song he addresses the death of his father, and how he used that to begin rapping. Cudi says, “Since my father died, I ain’t been right since, and I tried to piece the puzzle of the universe, split an eighth of shrooms just so I could see the universe, I tried to think about myself as a sacrifice, Just to show the kids they ain’t the only ones who up at night”. The death of his father made him turn to drugs. He uses “shrooms” so he can get an answer for the chaos in his life. On his trip, he realizes that he has tell other kids like him who stay “up at night”, that they’re not alone. He become a messenger for all of the people that feel like him.
The last line before he closes the song is, “I am happy, that’s just the saddest lie”. It’s a simple and powerful line. Kid Cudi says what in 2009 was almost impossible to hear from a rapper in the rap game, “I am famous, yet I am unhappy”. This songs keeps being one of my favorite songs because it reminds me that even the person you think has everything has problems.
In 2016, Kid Cudi checked himself into a rehab center for his depression. At the time he showed many individuals that it is ok to care of one’s mental health and that it’s an issue worth discussing. He has released two albums since then. His most recent album Kids See Ghost, made as a collaborative project with Kanye West is a testament to his struggles and his journey as a rapper.
