All Day I Still Dream
Day 5, Word; Luminescent
The people around me were blacking out the ocean, silhouettes on the shore-line, their imprints soon to be faded away, as most things are. The perforated waves were spreading the sands smooth, as if not a one of us ever existed there on that beach. But I knew that we were there in that moment. All there. Fully. It was as if the night would fall down on us if we weren’t there, a black blanket, a sheet of nothing, because as I looked around it appeared as if it was our hands that were holding up the sky. All raised up, punching the air, waving the wind, feeling the night.
It was as if it all existed there for us, as the distant beat in a not so far off jungle sounded through the blackness. Glistening stars were strung up in the night, bold from the ecstasy running in the deepest veins. It all was forcing us to feel things that were otherwise lackluster, maybe the things we’ve shoved inside ourselves, the things that were trying to overflow, but we never let come out. The things we could swallow up, but never wanted to taste.
Many questions started rising in my mind, along with the bass, keeping measures with my pulse, beating me with everything but apathy. What is this moment. Who are these people. How could one moment change your entire little life?
I had always been a dreamer, sitting at my beige desk, with my grey computer, typing my keys with my bored fingers. Punching in, day after day, a thousand hungry clocks, eating up each hour, as my mind was elsewhere. All day I dreamed. A beach, far off. An Italian villa. The last drop of a wine glass. Hanging on the thought of the last kiss. Rethinking words I should have said, but didn’t. A book to be written. The flavor of a foreign dish. The thrill of a lust. A two week notice I still haven’t got the stomach to give. The getaway car. The world left to be seen. And in all this, all these vivid dreams, had I even tasted it? Maybe I have had a plate in front of me, but never had I filled up with it.
I had gone nowhere, but in my mind I had been everywhere. I had seen things. I had felt things. I had been to the most distant shores, traveling in giant ships, lusting to go off the end. Maybe I had. But I was still at my desk, all day I dreamed. All day. But dreaming with eyes wide shut.
What about this place, this beach, miles from my home, in a different country, awakened my soul? I had been on a beach before. I live near a sleepy little sea side town. I have put my toes in the sand, I have licked the salt off my lips, I have felt the sun on my skin…. What was different? What could the energy of a thousand people change? What could the sultry bass line of a jungle drum create? We laid out underneath a slowly changing pink sky, waiting on something that happens every day. The sun rises, and it’s nothing. The sun sets, and it’s gone.
Each day, drowns out another one. Each moment, erases the one before it. We forget everything, but a few. These rare gems, we transfix on, we cherish, we close our eyes, and we can still see them. Because what is life but a path to look back on, where certain moments, seemingly random, shine?
And that day break in my life, shines. That day break, where hundreds gathered, patiently awaiting that very moment as if it’s never been there before, as if I had never seen a sunrise. As if I never saw the moon’s light, quivering, luminescent on the deepest sea. As if I had never felt music. We joined on the beach, we flipped the hour glass, we sat still, and waited to be moved. We were all connecting to a moment in time. It was connecting us. All of us, under one sky that felt like an endless roof, in a home that wasn’t a home.
It was only when I was sitting back at my desk, when it was all over, days drowning out the days, punching blankly at the keys, when I realized home wasn’t the same. I was changed. A single word comes to mind. A poetic word; innervisions. The reflection of your own thoughts, your own visions, your own soul. Your very heart, beating loudly like a drum that only you can hear.
And that’s what you are. That is what your life is. It is like a two way chord, plucking your heartstrings, echoing in the distance. One chord that rewinds, exposing the music of life already lived, and also, one that moves with you, forward, revealing the sound of your life as you go. And these chords intersect. Now is that moment. And in it, you are supposed to dance.
I guess I had forgotten that for a while. As I type away, on my beige desk, on my dusty grey keys, my mind is open, and I feel new things await me. I am one with the music of my life. So now, in these moments, good or bad, I dance. I hear the sound with much more clarity. Still, all day I dream… awakened from innervisions, with eyes much wider than before.