DW#3 | Somehow It’s Easier Today
March, 11th 2020.
Waking up easier today, although I almost jumped out of my bed because of the raging alarm. Damn, my ears are still ringing. I don’t actually know why it was easier. It is still the third day!
There have to be some possible factors. First, somehow my anxiety kicked in last night. Lucky for me it came just an hour before night time. Imagine if it knocked on my door when the sun is still up! I would be so mad.
So that you know, the last time I had anxiety was August-September(ish). Been a couple of months, I know. In case you’re wondering what the cause is: practicing my thesis defense in front of my lecturer. Notice that the word is “practicing.” You must be wondering, “If this was his last time having his anxiety kicked in, then how is he doing WHEN he did his final thesis?”
First, let me tell you what kind of anxiety I’m experiencing right here. It was one of the worst. Okay, okay, you’re confused. Let’s give a number so you can imagine how much it is.
MY ANXIETY LEVEL
1 = Pinches
2 = Little Stings
3 = Big Stings
4 = Burns
5 = Skinned Alive
When I practiced my thesis defense, I considered it was somewhere between level 4 and level 5! And if you think I’m exaggerating, which is true in some part since my skin is still attached to me right now, no I’m not.
It was one of the worst, it even affects how I behave. I still remembered how my shoulder moved closer to my body. I walked in a weird way. And my eyes looked down all the time. It’s bad.
When I did my final thesis, I didn’t even feel anxiety when being questioned by the lecturer. There are pinches when I wait for the announcement, though. It was level 1! Not that bad! It’s weird but I’m proud of how I managed to stay at that level.
Uhm… So let’s get back to where we are right now. Last night was level 3. Do you think level 3 is not that bad? It was bad! The fact that I am way more stable right now makes it easier for me to control it. If what was happening last night happened to me when I was still in college. It might even be level 4.
I can’t tell you what the cause was for last night yet. Maybe next year?
Wow, look at us talking about my anxiety right now. But, since I don’t have any rules about what I should write. I guess it’s alright. In case you’re wondering how I’m doing yesterday, overall, it’s okay. Nothing’s great yet. I still have to improve some parts and let’s just see in the future how I’m gonna be doing.
“Is he doing well? Is he gonna be one of the greatest minds in this world?” Talking about fantasy, haha.
Oh, wait. If you look back at the first sentence of the second paragraph. I told you that there were some possibilities for how I woke up easier today. The second is, I think, habits. But since it is still the third day, I guess I have to see it tomorrow to confirm.
Anyway, been an hour since I write this story. Guess we’ll continue tomorrow? Thanks for reading, bye!
Signing out peacefully,
Bardanvin
What is DW?
DW is an abbreviation of Draft Writer.
Unlike many other stories I have crafted, I do not edit and proofread here. This publication mainly talks about how my day went: the problems, the unexpected things, the how-and-why. This is the journal that I share with the world.
