The Ashley Madison Antidote
In recent days, reports have been coming out about celebrities, everyday people, and even Christian reality star Josh Duggar using the Ashley Madison website to cheat on their spouses. Duggan reportedly paid almost $1000 for two different subscriptions to the site between February 2013 and May 2015.
What is the antidote to sites like Ashley Madison? Josh Duggar is reportedly entering rehab for his addiction. Will it work?
The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.
Secondly, you have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep quitting the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To quit, you have to give up what you’ve been doing and do what you have to do.
Thirdly, you have to brutally honest with another person. This person may be a male friend, your wife, a person of clergy, a life coach or a twelve step group person. Somebody has to know the truth about your porn usage for you to get and stay free.
Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start, some you have to clean house regularly.
The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head in a minute you could block entry points.
Finally, get accountable to a man on a daily basis about your porn usage. Make a call a day and a commitment to call this person before you even consider looking at porn. People who set consequences for porn relapse do better. Seriously, if you look at porn, set a consequence. Some guys run laps, give money to the political party they don’t vote for, do leg lunges for a half mile, give up some privilege or just pick up trash on the highway for a few hours.
You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn free.
Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married. She is in pain because of your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve the best man you can be. You decide. Do they get the porn drunk you or the porn free you? I recommend the porn free you. It’s the better you!
Douglas Weiss, Ph.D.
Executive Director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO
www.drdougweiss.com 719–278–3708
