What I Want. What I Need.

I am too full of everyone else and too empty of myself.

Photo by Aleksandra Dementeva on Unsplas

my head hurts
i’m too full of everyone else
and too empty of myself.
i find islands of time
hopping between the puddles
like oceans between my wants and needs
the distance only grows

i growl
irritability pulls me back from the brink
she tells me it’s time
to fold back inside
like torn tissue paper
where nourishment is on thin ice
i consume what’s left
i say it’s okay
but it isn’t.
this is normal…
women are supposed to be exhausted
all the goddamn time, right?
no.
i wanna crumple up that belief
and watch it burn into dust and soil.

what i want, what i need
is nowhere and nothing and no one
i crave an absence of things
a cave in the desert
thick silence
velvety night sky blanketing
to remember me
not just echoes. not just whispers.
i want the…